[classical music playing] Thanks.

Thank you.

[indistinct chatter] Right then.

Anyone need the bathroom?

To pee or not to pee?

[laughs] Nevermind.

If you want to have your twenty pounds ready, the walk departeth in two minutes.

Good morrow, good people, good morrow!

Now which of you here wants to go on a real Ghost Walk?

Not like this one here, full of facts and boring, boring, boring.

Well, if you do, just shove your money in my lunchbox here, that's the way, more, more, more.

Thank you so much.

That's very good, thank you so much.

Alright now, follow me.

[indistinct chatter] [duck quacks] -[ducks quack] -[birds chirp] As you know, Shakespeare was the most prolific of playwrights, best in the world.

But what you will not know is that he was also a very, very keen ghost hunter, -[dramatic music playing] -Oh yes, who frequently supped full with horrors.

Yes, horrors, horrors... Now what I want you all to do is to reach out to his undead spirit.

I want you all to hold hands, and repeat after me: "Will, Will, where art thou Will?"

Can you do that?

Can you do that?

Now don't be shy, don't be shy.

Hold hands, hold hands, That's it, that' it.

Now, Will?

Will...?

Where art thou Will?

[woman screams] [theme song plays] Really?

That's terrible.

Well, get back here as soon as you can.

Bye bye.

[exhales deeply] Sebastian, he's been mugged.

No!

What did they take?

-A coach-load of Japanese tourists.

-What?

-Long story.

-Well that is terrible though, isn't it?

It is a dangerous world.

I once had... What?

Nothing, it's... Didn't we have a little chat?

About you tidying yourself up a bit?

[exhales deeply] Ugh, we've been through all this.

A man's clothes are his autobiography.

And mine say that I'm a dangerous, carefree maverick.

Your clothes are your dinner plate.

And they say you had a chicken tikka masala last night.

-Not for ages.

Anyway... -[door opens] -It's not chicken tikka.

-Is it not?

-What is it?

Biriyani?

-[door closes] Jalfrezi?

Smell it.

Oh!

You are the detectives, Shakespeare and Hathaway?

Guilty as charged!

I need you to find my husband.

So when did you last see him?

A week ago.

He flew over to England, but I haven't heard a word from him, and he's not been answering my calls.

Do you know where he might be staying?

If I knew that, I would not be here!

Yeah, no.

Sorry.

No, I'm sorry.

Somewhere in Stratford.

He always stays here when he is in England.

It... has many happy memories.

So what exactly brought him to this country?

He does a lot of business here.

English people are so polite.

They never ask awkward questions to Eastern European oligarchs.

[theme music playing] Write that down.

O-L... igarchs.

Just... [theme music playing] It's got to be around here somewhere... How dare you!

[duck quacking] -Do I know you?

-You should do.

I'm the one whose punters you pinched.

Oh, I am sorry, but you see, I'm an actor, and when you have such extraordinary God-given talent, it almost seems like a sin not to use it.

I'm an actor.

Really?

Oh well, your secret's safe with me.

Do you know, the most mysterious incident took place here today.

-Did it?

-Yeah.

As I was holding my... [laughs] your audience spellbound, a man's hand flew off at his wrist.

-What?!

-Yeah.

Caused quite a kerfuffle, [chuckles] Well I just, I just pretended it was all part of the act, and I kicked it into the long grass.

That really is the biggest load of old... -[screams] -[dry-heaves] You all right?

[dramatic music playing] [man] I've found it!

Yes, well, as you were the one who lost it in the first place.

Shall I go grab it?

No, my friend.

We cannot have a diplomatic incident.

We watch, and we wait.

[dramatic music intensifies] [Frank] Sign here.

Please.

I am having nightmares about him.

I keep wondering has he been kidnapped, but there's been no ransom note.

How did your husband make all his money?

From minerals.

If you look inside your computer, you'll find several substances only my husband can provide.

Oh, I have some photos.

I wish I had more.

[keys jingling] Well you came to the right place, we'll do our best to help you find him.

Please, he is one man.

But he is my whole world.

We'll do our best.

[opens door] So, are you ready for a whistle-stop tour of the top hotels, meet some VIPs?

-[shuts door] -I think we should do a background check on her first.

Why?

It's just, if she loves him so much why doesn't she even know where he's staying?

And why is there no photographs of the two of them together?

Hello?

Is that the Antiques Roadshow?

Look, I've got something rather unusual.

Hello?

Oh God... Ugh.

Where are you?

What do you want?

We want what is in that bag.

It belongs to our grandmother.

She is very attached to it.

Not anymore she's not.

Give us the hand.

Or we will give you pain like you've never felt before.

[turns taser on] [taser triggered] Whoa... Good decision.

Help!

Murderers!

Thieves!

Murderer!

Murderer!

Oh!

-Are you all right?

-Yes, I'm fine.

Thank you so much!

Thank you.

Thank you for stopping.

Thank you.

Bye!

-A hand?

-A hand.

[sighs] Are you sure it wasn't some kind of prop from a horror film?

Well if they're making a horror film around here, I need to know about it.

I do a very good zombie.

Ugh, can we please get back to reality?

Pavel Kusk, multi-millionaire, goes missing.

A woman comes in here, claiming to be his wife, says he's been staying in a hotel in Stratford.

Yeah, well, there must be hundreds of them.

Well, look.

He obviously enjoys the high life.

Let's start with the posh ones.

There are dozens.

So stop whinging and get on with it!

[dramatic music playing] [Lu] It's a no... and that's a no.

-[cell phone rings] -Oh!

Any joy?

I think I've found him.

Oh really!

Where?

The Hotel Philomel.

The place is dripping with wealth.

I've never seen so many bellboys staring down their noses at me.

Right.

Well I did tell you that you should smarten yourself up a bit, didn't I?

Well a lot.

Yeah.

Anyway I asked about Pavel Kusk.

The manager got all cagey.

He had this look in his eyes.

He knew something.

But have you had a chance to look round any guest rooms?

The place is like Fort Knox, I can't get near them.

But I have a cunning plan.

[vacuum cleaner white noise] -Hello?

-[screeching] Oh, turn that down, turn it down, turn it down... -Oh sorry.

-[screeching fades] [taps phone] Did you find him?

Not yet, though just like a professional dog walker, I do have several leads.

[sighs] Go on.

Right, well, it's a lovely sunny day but The Imperial Suite, the swankiest room in the hotel, has all its curtains closed.

And a 'do not disturb' sign on the door, I'd dearly like to disturb.

-Well disturb then.

-Good luck, Sebastian!

[vacuum cleaner white noise] [vacuum cleaner powering off] Honestly, the master key is playing up again?

Give it here.

-I'll take it to maintenance, see if they can sort it.

-Thank you.

Back in two ticks.

[dramatic music playing] Room service?

Hello?

Sir...?

[breathes heavily] OK, what do you want first?

The good, the bad or the ugly?

Whatever, just... I found Pavel Kusk, but unfortunately, he's dead.

And one of his hands has been cut off.

Ugh.

[camera shutter clicks] It's got to be him?

[Lu] Yeah I'm just checking.

[siren blaring] [phone rings] -Yeah that's him.

-[phone rings] Well... it's 95 percent of him.

That's got to be the hand that you found at the Holy Trinity.

Yeah what kind of sicko would do that?

You know, in some countries they cut your hand off for stealing.

Maybe this mineral magnate has taken something that doesn't belong to him.

And somebody took revenge.

[door opens] Frank, thanks for the call.

Your work here is done.

Hey!

If it wasn't for us, he would have become a breakfast for maggots.

Yeah, well, if this guy is who you say he is, then this is big league stuff.

Got to play it by the book.

Well don't forget who taught you how to read that book.

I'll be in touch.

-[Frank] We need to get a hold of that hand.

-[Sebastian] For?

Because we've been hired to find Pavel Kusk.

Every last bit of him.

We need to talk to Anastasia.

So you don't know where the hand is?

No.

But just like a hotel with several en suites, I have a lot to go on.

-Oh dear!

-Oh dear!

Oh dear!

-[birds chirping] -[indistinct chatter] Felicitations dear fellows!

Felicitations!

Now who amongst you here wants to go on a real ghost walk?

Yes, that's it, go on.

Give me your tens, give me your twenties.

That's it.

Thank you.

More the merrier, more the merrier.

Yes, yes yes.

A real, real ghost walk!

Oh, hello officer!

Are you here for the ghost walk, are you?

I think we need to have a little chat, sir.

There you are granddad!

We've been looking everywhere!

-What?

-You told mum you were going to the bingo.

You're not banging on about Shakespeare again.

Come on.

-What are you doing?

-Saving your skin, you owe me.

[dramatic music playing] -[taxi driver] Right.

Here you go.

-Here you are.

Hotel Philomel.

Very nice place, this.

I actually drove the Prime Minister of Belgium here.

Very generous man, he was.

Gave me a very good tip.

Ajay, you might want to hang around for a bit.

Have you found him?

Is he OK?

I'm so sorry.

No.

[exhales deeply] I... I think I knew, deep down.

It's why I came all this way.

The police are waiting inside, They're going to want to talk to you.

Shall I take you through?

No.

I don't think so.

I... I don't feel ready.

Is that because the police will find out he's not really your husband?

What did I say?

-What did you do with the hand?

-What hand?

You know, the big hairy one.

Smelled faintly of cheese.

-How much is it worth?

-Excuse me?!

There was a couple of foreign chappies trying to get their paws on it.

But I hid it away in a place that only I know where.

So it will cost you.

OK, that hand is wanted as part of a murder investigation, and if you don't hand it over, I'll hand you over to the police, to be handcuffed, and roughly manhandled.

And not in a good way.

[birds chirping] [exhales deeply] I'm sorry.

We really want to help you, but we do need to know who you are.

I told you.

I am Anastasia Kusk.

Married to Pavel Kusk.

But not according to this.

According to this, you and Pavel were divorced in 1993.

[birds chirping] [exhales deeply] OK.

I'm his ex-wife.

So in the eyes of the law, I am nothing.

Look, I'm sorry for you loss.

But you lied.

Look, Frank, why don't you go for a little walk.

-[Frank mumbles] -Yeah.

[exhales deeply] I'm sorry about my partner.

He's... He can be a bit... Well he's a good detective.

I know.

That's why I hired you.

And yes, I lied.

I thought you would be more likely to help an anxious wife than a crazy ex-wife.

Well, you gave us a lot of money to find him.

Why was it so important?

[exhales deeply] [exhales deeply] A few days ago, Pavel's brother called me, and told me Pavel was planning to close down a vault that he kept in England.

We don't know why.

But I have a feeling he was planning to sell up, and emigrate.

I see.

Well, I know we are divorced, and he is in the past, but... to never see him again... I had to say goodbye.

If it's not too personal... Can I ask why you broke up?

We has a little boy, Ivan, who died, at the age of five.

I'm so sorry.

For a whole year, I couldn't eat, or speak.

But my husband kept himself busy making obscene amounts of money.

So we were two different people.

You said your husband was over here to close a vault.

Do you know what was in that vault?

-Paintings.

-Paintings?

He had an amazing collection, all the European masters.

Some he bought from art dealers.

Some from art thieves.

Rembrandt.

A Picasso.

Modigliani.

His brother said they were worth over a hundred million.

Gosh.

That's quite a collection.

Do you know who was due to inherit them?

No idea.

I would have liked to have had Bruegel, or a Braque.

[clears throat] I, um... I don't know how to say this, I'm... And I'm afraid... someone cut one of your husband's hands off.

Do you know who would do something like that, or why?

[exhales deeply] It must be a maniac.

It must have been.

Of course, I will still pay you to find who did this.

But please, be careful.

There are some very, very dangerous men in my country.

-[dramatic music playing] -[Harold exhales deeply] Here we are then.

All aboard!

Poop poop!

[laughs] This is my local caf.

I frequently come here when I'm up doing a film, or a West End play.

You come here quite a lot then?

Every sodding day.

I'm no hogue.

[breathes deeply] Ah!

Yes, there it is.

Oh!

A bit ripe.

There you are.

Yes, well I think after all that effort, you can treat me to a gut-busting all day breakfast mountain.

Delightful.

And it comes with squeezy ketchup.

Yes, yes, yes.

Very good stuff this, you know.

I wonder where that waitress is?

She's normally... -[taser goes off] -We meet again.

-[taser goes off] -Now don't make any sudden moves.

Just hold up your hands.

-[taser goes off] -All of them.

[dramatic music playing] [taser goes off] -[taser goes off] -[exhales deeply] Give it to me.

Nice and gentle.

[dramatic music playing] Sorry, but what exactly do you want it for?

Is it some kind of Tracy Emin art installation?

Or a novelty sign post?

That is for me to know, and you to wonder.

[waitress] Hi there, what can I get you?

-[dramatic music playing] -[squirts ketchup] -Ah!

-Run!

And then, in 1999, a Cézanne was stolen from a museum in Oxford.

Oh look, during the Millennium fireworks.

Then, 10 years later, a Van Gogh was taken and that was estimated to be worth fifty million pounds.

Reading this, I'm amazed there's any artwork left in the world.

Look, we have no way of knowing what's in the vault.

[door opens] OK, I have been threatened at gunpoint, chased down the street, generally scared witless.

But I do have the beast with five fingers.

Good work!

What about the man that found it?

Gloria is looking after him at the moment.

He's in a highly nervous state.

But he did manage to draw some pictures of the men who threatened us.

And this is from this morning, when the big, scary man's hand fell off.

Wow!

Who needs CCTV, eh?

Now, let's look at the facts.

Pavel Kusk.

A highly successful mineral magnate.

Who's worth hundreds of millions of pounds.

And may have spent some of that on stolen artwork.

What I need to know is, how he ended up in the hotel room, minus his hand?

And how did this work its way into the church yard?

And those blokes you met, why were they so keen to get their mitts on it?

Well don't look at me.

I'm just like Pavel Kusk, I'm stumped.

[laughs] Hang on.

[dramatic music playing] We need to get rid of this straight away.

I'm handing it back to Marlowe.

Someone's already died for this hand.

And I have a terrible feeling they died in vain.

[dramatic music playing] Wow.

Thanks.

It's a miracle you're still single.

Second-hand.

[laughs] One previous owner.

Mr.

Pavel Kusk, multi-millionaire.

Somebody killed him, cut it off, and managed to lose it in the church yard.

Do you know why?

[breathes in deeply] It's just a theory so, bare with me.

So Pavel comes back to England to close down a bank vault.

-[phone rings] -Now some of the private banks, they use iris recognition as a security method.

Some of them use palm prints.

They killed him to use his hand as a swipe card?

That's the way it's looking, yeah.

What can you tell me about these photographs?

What do they tell us about Mr.

Kusk?

-That he likes golf and a drink?

-[phone rings] -Oh Christina, you are nothing without me.

-[phone rings] -[dramatic music playing] -Mr.

Kusk is obviously left-handed.

Which means that hand there is worth about fifty pence of paperweight.

But the other one, the one in the morgue, could be worth a fortune.

[dramatic music playing] I must say, you have a most impressive wardrobe!

Oh no, those are Gloria's.

She's very short on space.

Do you know, it's quite extraordinary but, I believe that this is the costume that I wore when I played Hamlet at the RSC.

You were in the Royal Shakespeare Company?

Oh no, not that one, Rotherham Social Club.

It was the most wonderful evening.

You had all the grand soliloquies plus bingo and a meat raffle.

[doorbell buzzes] And that'll be the pizza.

[clears throat] Come in.

We're on the first floor.

Do you have any change?

What?

You know, from fleecing all my customers?

Oh!

Um... Fine, I've got a threepenny bit somewhere.

[grabs coins] Sebastian?

[drops coins] I don't believe that's a 12-inch pepperoni that he's holding.

No tricks.

No lies.

Just tell me.

-Where is the hand?

-Now you listen, sonny, I don't know what game it is you think you're playing, but we're British so we probably invented it.

Aah!

Aah!

-Oh!

-[exhales deeply] [choking] So, are you going to give me what I want?

Or do I have to feed you my pizza of pain?

[struggling to speak] OK, we don't have the hand.

It's gone to the police.

[choking] No, no really!

And it wasn't the right hand anyway, because... actually, he's left-handed.

[struggling to breathe] [choking] [dramatic music playing] [inhales deeply] Thank you.

What did you tell him that for?

So I could live!

We were six steps ahead of them.

Now we're neck and neck.

At least I've still got a neck.

I'm gonna have to talk to Harold when he's feeling better.

-Be my guest.

-I don't suppose he's done anymore of his amazing life-like pictures.

We've done one better than that.

As the beasts from the east were diving into their van... Ah.

Oh great!

Oh I can show the to Anastasia, see if she recognizes them.

Good idea.

But first, we've got to get to the morgue.

Spring roll?

No thanks.

They look far too much life fingers.

-Yeah they do, don't they?

-[exhales deeply] [closes container] [cell phone rings] Oh, it's Anastasia.

She says, "I've never seen those two men before, and I have no idea where he had his vault."

Well, I've no idea.

I mean, I know where all the self-storage units are.

But where the mega-rich keep their money?

I mean- -[alarm goes off] -I don't like the sound of that.

-Oh do you think they've broken in?

-[alarm blaring] No, they're cleverer than that.

They've found a way to set off the alarm remotely And now they're coming to fix it.

Whoa.

Whoa.

You're not seriously thinking of going after them!

I can't let them get away with it.

[alarm blaring] Ah, Mr.

Kusk.

[alarm blaring] [puts on opera music] [alarm continues blaring] What I'm about to do, Mr.

Kusk, is not pleasant.

But on the plus side, at least you will be symmetrical.

[opera music playing] -But they're dangerous!

-I can't let you in.

-I'm CID.

-That's a Clubcard.

-Oh.

-[alarm blaring] -The police are on their way.

-I can't let you in.

Oh I need help!

Oh the baby's coming!

[exhales deeply] Oh it's coming!

[exhales deeply] Please I just need to lie down.

Get backup!

Get an ambulance!

Get a towel!

-Oh!

Thank goodness!

Oh!

-[guards speaks into walkie-talkie] Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Good job.

Why have I never thought of that?

-[alarm blaring] -Oh!

-Hang on.

-Oh am I ever so dizzy.

-Oh!

-Grab that!

-If anyone tries to escape, let 'em have it.

-OK.

Oh Frank.

Be careful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

-Okay.

Right.

-[opens door] -[sawing] -[stops music] [opens door] Ah, you've come to admire my handiwork.

No I've come to stop you.

[laughs] And how are you going to do that?

With your good manners and your British sense of fair play?

No, with my British ingenuity, and my... bulldog spirit.

Aw, who is a clever little doggy?

But this is one bone you're not going to chew.

Bye bye.

[opens door] [door squeaks open] Oh!

Ah!

Ugh!

Oh!

[fire extinguisher hisses] Sorry.

-[opens door] -Come on.

Well done, Frank.

You've managed to lose both suspects.

And our murder victim is getting smaller by the minute.

I did warn you the other hand was worth a fortune.

[phone rings] But at least you've got them on CCTV.

We have indeed.

Dimitri Kapel and Alek Hodzic.

Somewhere near the top of Interpol's most wanted list.

And we know where they are going.

'Cause they're gonna go straight to, um... Straight to, you know, the... to the... Oh come on, you know where they are.

You know where the vault is.

We've made a list of possible places, we've put all the banks and storage facilities on high alert.

We just don't know which one he used yet.

Well don't worry about it.

We'll find out tomorrow.

When we read about a multimillion pound art theft.

[dramatic music playing] [door opens] [door closes] So once again, I'm a lone voice in the wilderness, a one man band, just me against the world.

Well, you're not exactly alone are you.

Because you've got me and my incredible ability to get past security guards.

You've got Sebastian and his fantastic disguises.

And Harold.

Harold and his amazing artistic talent.

Yeah.

We really need to talk to him.

[exhales deeply] You know what, I'm assuming this is one of our thugs.

Yeah.

That's our thug there, he's just trying to blend in with the crowd, and then, whoops, there's my hand!

-I mean, what is that?

-[Lu] Yeah.

-[Frank] It's a helmet.

-[Lu] Crown?

And the title, what does that mean?

Ah!

There's only one way to find out, isn't there?

[relaxing music playing] Hello?

Sebastian, what are you up to?

Just aligning my inner chakra.

Ask him about Harold's drawing.

I know.

Can you ask Harold about his drawings?

Harold, -Do you remember your drawing?

-Drawings?

Oh my drawings!

[relaxing music playing] Do you want to buy it?

No, we were wondering about the title.

You called it 'Ah'!

'Ah'...?

Oh!

No, no, no, no, no.

That was the logo on the side of the car.

-What car?

-You know, the one that chased that fellow whose hand flew off.

And there were some guards inside that car too you know, and on the side of it, there was a logo.

It was like a... like a crown with 'AH' written in the centre.

Thanks Harold.

Thanks Sebastian.

It's a crown.

That must be the bank that's chasing him.

A-H.

A-H.

[both] Andronicus House!

Britain's most exclusive, fortified private storage facility!

That must be it!

We are going in.

Oh, but not dressed like this, you're not.

What?

[indistinct chatter] [ambient music playing] [indistinct chatter] Yes Frank, this is very me.

-Oh, thank you.

-Thank you.

[ambient music playing] So, this is how the other... nought point nought five percent live, is it?

I wonder if anyone's single.

I might try and bag myself an... [indistinct chatter] [footsteps] [ambient music playing] What are you doing here?!

The same as everyone.

Trying to survive.

You know who these men are?

They murdered your husband!

They cut his hand off to use as a skeleton key.

Of course I know.

But as I probably won't get a penny in the will, this is my one chance of a pension fund.

You heard the lady.

She does not need your services, so run along.

I think he might be right.

We should run along.

-What?!

-To the police station.

Ask them to get the cells ready.

-Unless, of course... -Yes?

You could buy our silence with a painting.

Just a little something we can sell onto a friend.

A Dali maybe, a Da Vinci.

Don't try to palm us off with any old Pollocks.

Frank, what are you doing?

Well business is hardly booming, is it?

We won't get anything for handing them in.

How do I know I can trust you?

Well, I don't think you have a choice.

After you.

[piano playing] So you three were in league from the start?

I have only just met these gentlemen.

I sent their photo to a friend in the secret police, and he put me in touch.

We are very well-connected, you know.

They tried to get in the vault this morning, but security asked some awkward questions and they had to flee.

So, I said I would smooth things over for them.

One big, happy family, eh?

[electronic voice] Welcome to Andronicus House.

You many enter your vault.

[piano playing] -[echo] -[exhales deeply] [palm print reader activated] Well, aren't you going to let us in?

-I think there is something wrong.

-[Pavel Kusk] Yes.

[footsteps] Something very wrong indeed.

Pavel, I thought you were dead!

Well I was.

I just had to crawl out of my grave to find out who'd been robbing me.

Did you know?

Hold on a sec.

Tsk!

You are so annoying.

Mr.

Kusk.

Frank Hathaway.

I've been investigating your murder.

Anything I can do to help?

I have my suspicions from the off.

Two whiskey glasses in the hotel room.

Which suggests that an earlier friendly visitor came to call before the Brothers Grim here.

And then I realized we'd forgotten somebody.

-Who?

-Your brother-in-law, Petrov.

[inhales deeply] He told you Pavel was coming to close down the vault.

And he wanted to get his hands on the contents.

He came to see you last night at the worst possible time, didn't he?

He did.

My brother Petrov was a sweet man, -but he was always haranguing me for a handout.

-[knock] And last night, I was resting in my room, when who comes hammering on the door?

-He pleaded with me, -Just a couple of million.

I took refuge in the bathroom.

[dramatic music playing] [door unlocks] That's when the subhuman species came.

[suffocating] They took Petrov's life, and then they took his hand.

[sawing hand off] [dramatic music playing] And yes, I saw it all through the key-hole.

But if I had opened the door, there would... have been another corpse on the bedroom floor.

Hang on.

How have we been getting through all the security doors if that's not your hand?

Tsk!

I told my friends at the bank to bypass the security.

I said you can let anybody in.

But don't let anybody out.

I think they will let me out.

If I have a hostage.

[screams] -[dramatic music playing] -Now, won't you let me into your vault?

Everything that's precious to me is in that room.

The most beautiful pictures in the world.

Why would I show them to a thug like you?

Because if you do not, I will paint the walls red.

With blood.

[dramatic music playing] [electronic voice] Now opening vault nine.

[scanning] [door opens] [exhales deeply] [footsteps] [dramatic music playing] Welcome to my world.

I would offer you a chair, but I come here to get away from people.

So which of these is the most valuable?

I think they're all precious.

They are the work of your little boy, aren't they?

Ivan, the little boy you lost.

[Pavel] Twenty-six years ago.

On holiday.

Just down the road from here.

I've kept this as a kind of shrine, and... somewhere to escape to.

Petrov said you had... Picassos and... and Van Goghs in here.

He always did have a vivid imagination.

But I never corrected him.

I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me.

Is... that why you pushed me away?

All those years ago?

I am so sorry.

So these paintings.

Are they really valuable?

Only... to us.

Nah come on.

Hang on a minute!

Hey!

[laughs] What about this one, eh?

Oh, look at that!

The world famous... pig of Pontefract.

That is priceless.

Pig of Pontefract.

Bye bye!

-[closes door] -Hey!

[electronic voice] Vault nine secured.

-[dramatic music playing] -[birds chirping] [Frank] So the murderers are in vault nine.

The art is... God knows where.

-And the murder victim... well, here he is.

-Hello.

Is anyone going to explain what's going on?

This lady here can tell you most of it.

I'll come too.

We've got quite a lot to catch up on.

[indistinct chatter] -Come on.

-Hi.

[dramatic music playing] And now ladies and gentlemen, we come to the final resting place of the greatest poet and playwright in the world.

William Shakespeare.

So it is time to ask, to reach out to the undead spirit of the Bard.

-[Harold speaks in background] -He's really rather good, isn't he?

-Well, if you like that sort of thing.

-[Harold] Will, Will, where art thou Will?

-Can you do that?

Yes?

- Do you know, they got so sick of him stealing their punters.

In the end, they just had to give him a job.

-Yeah, that's what I'd do with all my ne'er-do-wells.

-[Harold] Will, -Haha!

-...Will, where art thou Will?

Greetings, mortals, I am Will!

Writer with the golden quill.

Back from the grave!

Though God knows how.

So come and get your selfies now.

-[all clap] -I'm going to get a selfie.

[all clap] -Rawr!

-Hello!

Excuse me, can I have a little selfie?

Thanks.

[chuckles] -Thanks!

-[camera shutter clicks] -You want one?

-No.

[indistinct chatter] After this awful ordeal is over, do you fancy a drink at the Mucky Mallard?

Sounds like a plan.

The landlord won't serve you though.

What?

Why not?

Because you're Bard.

Do you get it?

Bard.

Please yourself.

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