Solbird Sessions is made possible through viewer contributions to the ETV Endowment of South Carolina.

Grief doesn't just live in the heart.

It shows up in the body, the mind, and when we least expect it.

Losing someone or something is never easy.

It can lead you into dark places, but even in grief, light can find its way back in.

I am TiffanyJ, your host for Solbird Sessions, where melody becomes remedy.

♪ I feel I need to take a deep breath.

The energy around is a mess.

Somehow, I need to free myself Starting with my mind, then I'll heal the rest.

I feel I need to take a deep breath.

The energy around is a mess.

Somehow, I need to free myself Starting with my mind, then I'll heal the rest.

I feel I need to take a deep breath.

♪ From South Carolina ETV Studios.

This is Solbird Sessions with TiffanyJ, Backed by Rod Foster and Company.

♪ ♪ A moment of transparency, Crown's heavy, need clarity.

Music can be your therapy.

Melody's (the remedy) you need.

Inhale, exhale, unveil, expel toxicity with symphony Inhale, exhale, your truth set sail Mentality, be healed, be free.

Breathe.

Release.

Breathe.

Be free.

Breathe.

Release.

Breathe.

Be free.

Breathe.

♪ One of the hardest truths in life is that we were all born to die, and an even heavier burden is learning to live when someone we love is gone.

Grief doesn't always look the same.

Some cry, some isolate, some overwork, some laugh, and yes, some even smile.

Just like the scent of a candle long after the flame is gone, The people we love can continue to live on.

Here at the intersection of music and mental health.

We find light after death.

Living with loss doesn't only have to be sad.

Reflecting on the legacy can keep a light shining.

Joining us is a singer-songwriter whose music has uplifted so many with her bluegrass stylings.

Coming to the stage is Darby Wilcox.

♪ I want to feel good.

here in my skin.

Oh, I want to know who I am in the end.

And I want to love.

With patience and grace.

No, it's not what we're given, but how we embrace.

And nothing is perfect.

Nothing's for sure.

But I can't move forward if I don't do the work.

So I want to feel good here in my skin.

And I want to love who I am in the end.

I want to feel good.

Here in my skin.

Oh, I want to know who I am in the end.

And I want to love, love, love.

With patience and grace.

Oh, it's not what we're given, but how we embrace.

And nothing is perfect.

Nothing's for sure.

But I can't move forward if I don't do the work.

So I want to feel good here in my skin.

And I want to know who I am in the end.

I want to feel good here in my skin, Oh I want to love who I am in the end, Oh I want to love who I am In the end, Oh I want to love who I am in the end.

I want to feel good here in my skin and I want to love who I am in end.

♪ Thank you, Darby, for that moving performance.

So let's take that feeling into the Remedy Room.

So, there are times when we instinctively grab music, when we're feeling certain big feelings.

And it could be in moments of celebration.

It could be in moments of, it's a beautiful day and I'm riding the windows down, that kind of thing, or singing a karaoke song, hanging out with people.

But then also when we need to cry, crying is a natural part of grief.

Brené Brown has a quote that I love.

that's “music makes me feel less alone in the mess”.

So when we hear songs, sometimes that can help us to identify what we're going through, even if we can't put words around it.

I was thinking about what you said.

I heard, a song for Porgy and Bess for opera.

And in it, the the lady is sad because her lover had left and listening to her sing, The opera singer, I felt it.

And in that moment I realized I felt better.

It was like I was, I was purging just like she was.

Yes, yes.

So often when we feel sad or when we feel angry or, you know, some of those more unpleasant feelings or less accepted feelings, we try to push it away or push it down.

But having music that helps us express, and feel that can be a powerful thing.

Well, what does it seem like sometimes when you are sad, like the radio tends to pick up on what you're feeling and you don't want to hear it.

Like, if you just got broken up with, the radio somehow plays, “If You Think You're Lonely Now”.

You know you got things to do, so why would I... Why do I need to be triggered by this song?

Triggers.

Music triggers, Alison.

It can.

Yeah.

And especially with it being such a powerful memory trigger, music can bring us back to positive moments in our lives and, you know, people who love us and that we love.

And then it can also bring us back to things that are triggering in a negative way, or bring up past traumas or things like that.

So definitely, you know, be aware of your responses to music.

I'm going to play some instrumental music, and as I'm playing, I invite you to write down what grief and loss feels like to you.

Knowing that grief and loss are universal in life.

Music is something that we can come back to.

And offering comfort and memory.

And also letting out some of that grief when we need to.

So, Darby thank you so much for being here.

How do you feel?

I feel great.

You feel good today?

Yeah, we're making it happen.

So what I've learned from just discovering you is that you call yourself the Mayor of Babetown.

What is Babetown?

What is that community of artists?

Can you explain to our viewers what that means for you?

Babetown is, you know, much like Antifa.

It's a movement, if you will.

It's a place where babes support other babes, and anybody can be a babe if you're a babe who supports other babes.

Okay, okay, I'm wit' it.

I'm wit' it.

So, I'm a babe now.

Yeah, he's a babe too.

We're all babes up in here.

Okay.

Thank you.

So, I have really fallen in love with your music.

Not to tell how much involved I was with the behind the scenes, but “Mantra”... “Mantra” was really special for me.

But you have a song specifically that you're going to share with us called “10 Ways to Cope” That's about grief.

Where were you in the moment you wrote that?

And what does that song mean?

I was going through it.

I lost a friend of mine to, to suicide, and, I found them, and I was in a relationship at the time that, was already kind of on the rocks.

And I, that was kind of like my breaking point with that.

I just kind of disappeared into, Nowhere Land and, did a lot of really self-destructive things along the way to, to cope with it instead of really going to therapy.

And we appreciate you.

You know, and, so, you know, that's that's kind of what that song is about, is that my, my partner at that time wanted to be there for me, but I was like, don't talk to me like, you don't know what I'm going through.

You don't know what I just lost.

You don't know.

And all the people are like, Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Like, you don't.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah, I don't I don't want it.

Yeah.

So Chris Greene is our mental health professional on the show, and you just hit us with, two heavy mental health topics.

Not only your grief, but the suicide of your loved one.

Right?

How can people specifically cope with... Let's let's talk about grief first.

How can we cope with grief?

Especially people who are grieving, However, they don't outwardly show that they are grieving, and they might feel guilty for not showing like they care to other people.

You know, sometimes you might be grieving and you might have found light in that situation, but you don't look as if you're grieving.

Is that okay?

It's definitely okay.

Grief doesn't have a particular look.

And grief, I say a lot of times, is love looking someplace to go.

Right?

So when you feel that type of grief, I always say go back to the memories of when you had that person.

And understand that that person would rather you live in the peace of the memory, than in the turmoil of their loss.

Absolutely.

So other than “10 Ways To Cope” and and grief in particular, has music help you in any way deal with any tough situation?

I mean, pretty much all of my situations, music's been my outlet for that.

You know, from like, angsty songs when I'm 13, when I'm like, why would you lie to me?

And kinda “you never came to my birthday” kind of things.

And then all the way into adulthood, it's been my constant.

It's been my one place that I can be completely honest and completely transparent and vulnerable, with myself.

And the more I feel like that I can do that for myself, I feel like, when people hear it and connect with it, the more that you can give yourself permission to do that for yourself as well.

I, I agree with you.

So how long have you been a musical artist?

When did you discover your love for music?

Well, I've been in music, my whole life.

My dad's a musician, and, So I grew up in music.

He's a music minister, and, also was in the classical music world, so I grew up playing flute, but I really wanted to play guitar, and I wanted to write songs and sing, so I dislocated my pinky.

Not on purpose.

And, you know, the seventh grade.

And so after that happened, I started, teaching myself how to play guitar on a guitar that my mom had had, like, three strings on it.

You know, we're getting creative.

And, so I, learned on that.

This slight shade is amazing.

Yeah, Yeah.

And then, started writing songs, and I think my first recording happened when I was, I was 15, and I remember, like, Charlotte Church was big during the time too.

And I was like, she's like a little tiny person.

She's like a little baby child and she's up here like doing it.

I was like, she could do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.

I don't even know what that means, but I can.

But you're doing it right.

She's doing it right.

Yeah.

Yeah, right.

So I want to play a quick card game with you all.

Okay?

Ready.

Let's see.

Shuffling.

This is how I shuffle.

You ever play cards with people and this is how they shuffle?

That's like a tarot reading.

I don't want to play.

So, Darby, I'm gonna read the prompt, and then you pretend as if you are going to actively engage with this prompt.

What song would you choose?

Okay.

So it says “Found Sound”.

Time to jam.

Give yourself a few minutes to explore sounds of items around you.

Grab pins, a tissue box, whatever.

Take time to be curious and play.

Be playful.” So, it's stuff around you, but let's act like you only had pens, tissue, and a stapler.

Can you beatbox.

A no, no, no, but I, yeah, I could, I could make, like, a little I could make a ditty.

I would probably, I probably would wave would wave this little tissue around.

You know.

I can be the tissue.

Yeah, I like that.

Yeah.

And then I'll be like, oh, we're supposed to be saying something about how we're feeling right now, right?

♪ I'm overwhelmed.

I can't see, I can't see through my eyes.

My heart is breaking all the time.

♪♪ Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

That was good.

So, Chris, it says be like water.

Recall what you know about the water cycle.

Now I am a creative.

Okay, okay.

I can't help you.

Imagine that you are evaporating.

Notice the feeling.

Imagine... this is a lot.

That's.

Yeah.

Let's here we go.

Imagine how it feels and how your body moves.

So imagine that you're evaporating.

Well, yeah, well be honest.

There's a movie actually, that, it's a Pixar movie called “Elements”.

I don't know if anybody ever saw it, but, there's an episode, within the episode, There's a relationship between a fire and water, and they have to find a way to to to exist together.

So, every time they hug, of course, fire.

Either go out or they will be afraid to hug each other because they didn't want the fire to go out.

And when they believed to, they learned to trust each other and learned that fire can actually, live within water, because it gives you the oxygen, then they begin to thrive.

That's a great example.

You did well with the science.

Thank you.

Yes.

Anything else you want to say before we head to the stage?

Anything you want to make sure I touch on.

I mean, yeah, I mean anything I do feel like with grief you got to feel it to heal it and give yourself permission to move through it and to have bad days.

And, and because it's not going to be it's not linear.

It is.

Yeah.

I, you know, some people only associate grief with losing someone, but you can grieve also someone that's still here.

And you can grieves things.

This is true in situations.

So don't limit your grief to thinking it's just about people learn how to deal with any type of loss, right?

Right.

You know, that's that's very accurate.

So before Darby gives us ten ways to cope on stage, we're going to go one more time.

Back to the Remedy Room.

melody that we're going to use is something that just came to me when I was thinking about this topic, and but it's definitely in the style of a spiritual so and in a major key, which tends to be more happy sounding for most of us.

You know, in the Western culture, we associate that major key is sounding more happy than a minor key sounding more sad.

So and again, if you want to do body percussion, ♪ I've got joy and I'm holding on to hope.

I've got joy and I'm holding on to hope.

I've got joy And I'm holding on to hope.

I'm holding on to hope.

♪ What else you got?

Life and love ♪ I've got life and love And I'm holding on to hope.

I've got life and love And I'm holding on to hope.

I've got life and love And I'm holding on to hope.

I'm holding on to hope.

♪ What else?

I've got a paycheck.

Yeah, ♪ I've got a paycheck And I'm holding on to hope.

I've got a paycheck And I'm holding on to hope.

I've got a paycheck And I'm holding on to hope.

I'm holding on to hope.

♪ Amen.

Anybody else?

Protesting in the streets?

♪ I've got protesting in the streets And I'm holding on to hope.

I've got protesting in the streets And I'm holding on to hope.

I've got protesting in the streets And I'm holding on to hope.

I'm holding on to hope.

♪ Okay, I have one.

Yeah.

I feel like my church... I got food on the table.

Yeah.

Amen.

Food on the table.

Yes ♪ I got food on the table and I'm holding on to hope I've got food on the table And I'm holding on to hope.

I've got food on the table And I'm holding on to hope.

I'm holding on to hope.

We're holding on to hope.

I'm holding on to hope.

♪ Yes.

Yes.

Grief is one of those few experiences in life that doesn't follow a timeline.

It comes in waves.

What you're feeling is valid healing doesn't mean forgetting.

It means learning how to live while carrying what you've lost.

And one of the biggest misconception is that healing means moving on.

But in reality.

Grief isn't something you get over.

It is something you learn to carry differently.

Missing someone?

Thinking about them?

That's not a sign you're stuck.

It is a sign you have loved deeply.

There is no correct way to grieve.

Grief is just love.

Looking for some place to go?

For more resources, visit SolbirdSessions.com.

For immediate assistance, you can call or text 988.

♪ Don't talk to me.

Don't talk to me about your grief ‘Cause I can't see I can do nothing about it.

Cause I'm over here.

I'm drowning in my own heart.

And I know that you would like me to take it.

You want me to feel the way you're feeling right now?

Cause when you said the words you said.

I know you're just trying to get even now.

♪ Because I'm dealing with myself the way I know how.

And I know that ain't what you can think about right now.

And darling, You know, I tell you, oh that I still care even if you don't see me anywhere.

♪ ♪ And I know that you're bleeding inside.

That you're over there crying, thinking, oh, no one's by your side.

Oh, But I've been asking you.

I've been begging you.

Oh, darling.

You... You stay the same.

♪ ♪ Now, I don't see how you can feel oh so upset when I'm just over here and full of my regrets.

I'm trying to figure out the best way to cope, so I've been drinkin, smokin, burnin through my nose.

♪ Heyyyyy ♪ Ooo, Ooo, Heyyy Nooo ♪ ♪ Grief doesn't end, it changes.

And even in the darkness, there still can be moments of light.

Take what you need.

Move at your own pace and give yourself grace.

So, when you feel you need to take a deep breath, remember you have Solbird Sessions , where melody becomes remedy, on South Carolina ETV and Public Radio.

♪ I feel I need to take a deep breath.

The energy around is a mess.

Somehow I need to free myself.

Starting with my mind then I'll heal the rest.

I feel I need to take a deep breath.

The energy around is a mess Somehow I need to free myself.

Just inhale, exhale.

Breathe.

Inhale, exhale.

I feel I need Oh, Somehow I need to free myself I feel, I feel I need to take a deep breath.

♪