♪ ♪ ♪ > Hello and welcome to our program today, "Helping Students and Parents: Remembering September 11th."

I'm Carolyn Donges, Education Associate for Guidance Services in the Office of Safe Schools and Youth Services at the South Carolina Department of Education.

September 11th, 2001, is a day all of us will never forget.

It was a defining moment for us in our American history.

It's like the attack on Pearl Harbor or the assassinations of John F. Kennedy and civil rights' leader Dr.

Martin Luther King.

All of this affected us, these tragic events.

In the next few weeks, the media will be covering activities remembering September 11th and paying tribute to those who lost their lives that day.

The emotions and reactions in many of us from that day may reoccur as we anticipate this anniversary.

Research has shown that both adults and children who experience a traumatic event show a range of reactions and emotions.

After the tragic events of September 11th, all of us have had different reactions and feelings.

Feelings of stress, anger, shock, grief, and depression are just some of the common reactions to such a terrible event.

Also, it is very common for children to have a variety of reactions and feelings relating to these tragic events.

Some days children may be more upset than other days as they try to handle their emotions.

Children's reactions and responses to tragic events are influenced by how adults around them are reacting to those events.

Over the next few weeks as the anniversary of September 11th approaches, many children may be vulnerable to experiencing stress and might even re-experience some of the initial reactions from that eventful day.

Today we would like to explore ways in which parents and caring adults can assist young children and adolescents as they remember September 11th.

We have a panel this afternoon that will share with us some important and valuable information that should help all of us as we remember September 11th.

Our first panel member is Beth Freeman.

Thank you for being here today, Beth.

And Beth is the director of School-Based Mental Health Programs at the South Carolina Department of Mental Health.

We would like for you, if you can, to share with us today some behaviors that might come forth in children and also in all of us, but particularly in children, and how we as caring adults can help these children through these difficult times.

> Thank you, Carolyn... I'll be glad to.

There are a lot of symptoms of children in crisis.

Children over time will show these symptoms at different periods of crisis and different stages after a crisis.

Sometimes children in elementary schools, they will show some of the same symptoms as children in middle schools and high schools, but it will play out in different ways.

Elementary school children a lot of times will show anxiety.

They might have needless worry.

They might have clingy behavior and sometimes school phobia.

So when you're starting back to school, children may have felt safe at home, and they may have some phobia about coming back to school.

And that's going to play out on your school bus, on the way.

They may be clingy to their parents or clingy to a teacher from last year that they felt safe with after September 11th and may not want to go back into the classroom.

They may be needlessly worried about every little thing, about the first opening of school.

Carolyn> So some of them, they're gonna experience a sense of being safe and wanting to be safe.

Beth> Right and they're gonna want to go back to those safe places.

And other children may be irritable and easily frustrated, so a teacher may notice in the classroom that their children in the classroom are just not able to remain on task or stay focused and become easily frustrated where they're asking lots of questions.

And a teacher may be wondering what is going on.

And so this is a red flag if our children are showing a lot of these symptoms, or one of the children is showing these symptoms and others are not.

Some children we may see acting out behavior, such as outbursts of anger for instance.

As you see on this clip, this young girl is acting out behavior toward one of her peers, a young boy, and she's taking out her anger on him about something probably so frivolous as something to do with the computer in a computer lab.

And one of the girls tried to stop that and was unable to, and she pushed her aside.

And this would be just different behavior that you may not normally would have seen a child like this do before.

She might be quiet and reserved, and all of a sudden, you'll see an outburst of anger in this child.

Sometimes, these children too, you might see some children acting out because there was some stressor at home, or they may have seen something on the media that caused them to think again about a past experience or a past trauma.

Sometimes children react totally different.

There may be sleep disturbances.

You know, sometimes we see children in school where they did not get a good night's sleep.

They may have had nightmares or insomnia, and then they may have not been able to focus on sleep when they needed to focus on sleep.

So during the day, you will see them dozing off in class.

And this is a sign, too, that something is not right with this child.

You may see them regress back to bed-wetting or other types of behaviors, especially the early elementary school children.

They may withdraw from peers, there would be extreme sadness of children, and they may have some somatic complaints such as "my stomach hurts," "my head hurts."

They may have symptoms of unexplained physical illnesses.

And so those types of things the nurse would be seeing in school.

And the teacher would be sending them constantly to the nurse's station.

Often times, we see children that have unexplained emotional trauma showing these somatic complaints, and that's the only way we're seeing them.

They may have inconsistent behaviors or extreme mood swings, such as you may see this child here with some tearfulness and crying behavior.

She is sad and this may not be related to the problem at hand.

You know, she might have just forgotten something and not brought it to school that day, and she's extremely sad, extremely upset, and it doesn't fit the problem at hand.

That's another red flag for parents and teachers.

Oftentimes, too, you may see children regress back to behaviors of a year or two ago.

It might be they're six years old and they're regressing back to four-year-old behavior.

At that time, you want to talk to the child and try to treat them as a child that would be six versus four and help them come back into the six-year-old behaviors.

There's going to be a lot of fear of the reoccurrence of the traumatic events as September 11th approaches.

Just as July 4th was a traumatic time for our nation for people fearful what will happen on that important day, we're going to have the same type of anxiety for adults and children.

Teachers in the classroom are gonna have to be real cognizant of what do we do prior to September 11th or right around September 11th, because children are going to have that fear that something else is going to happen.

Now in middle school youth, you're gonna see some of the same behaviors, but you're gonna see, they're gonna act differently because they want to be more grown up.

So they're gonna be a little, maybe, self- conscious of who they are because they don't know who they are yet.

They're still forming their identities.

And they're going to have irritability again too and outbursts of anger in a little different way than an elementary school child would.

You'll see them picking on each other.

They might try to show more control over themselves and of others as you'll see in this clip where they're picking on a child who is smaller than them and bullying this small child.

They're trying to have more control over themselves, hoping that they can have control over their emotions and the fears that they feel inside.

So these are some things you'll see in middle school youth.

You're gonna still see the same anxiety and excessive worry in middle school youth.

They're going to be worrying over things that just seem unreal to the situation at hand.

They're going to have extreme mood swings again too, and some children will withdraw from their peers, children that have had peer relationships 1st through the 6th grade, and then all of a sudden you, as a teacher, notice that those children are not going to be having any type of activity with the same peers.

They're going to withdraw from each other.

And you may notice that some children are easily startled or frightened because of a sound in the classroom.

It may be because of something that has happened, not just because of September 11th, but something that's happened in their present environment or something in the past environment that's causing them to be extremely sensitive to noises.

Carolyn> I know for some children after 9/11, that when they heard a plane going at a low altitude, they became very frightened because they were thinking it was gonna crash into wherever they were.

Beth> Exactly, and anything about the school system itself and the environment around the school...those types of noises.

You may hear a large backfire of a bus for instance, coming into the grounds, and that sounds like a shot.

You may see children extremely startled because they may live in a neighborhood where they hear those sounds often, and they're in danger.

So those types of things may be a symptom and a sign to you.

Oftentimes, children feel a sense of loss of control in their environment, and they always react to that loss of control.

It may be because in your environment a child has experienced failure in a school subject, or their parents may be obtaining a divorce, or there might be a separation of something from them, like their grandparents moving and them not having that sense of control anymore.

And so this child will withdraw and show symptoms of depression.

Also, there may be a sudden change in their relationships as we've talked about before.

But, you may see children that have had these extreme traumas in their life, show depression and suicidal thoughts and self-isolation.

And when you see that, it's always important to start talking to this child... some adult, some caring adult, to talk to this child.

Because if a child knows that an adult is nearby to take care of them, or care at all for them, they are less likely to harm themselves or someone else, and they're also less likely to carry out the thoughts of suicide or depression.

One of the studies on the Youth Risk Behavior Survey has said oftentimes children will have two or more weeks of anxiety and depression over a school year, and they won't tell someone.

So you have to ask the question as the adult.

You have to give permission for them to talk.

Another way that you can respond to children's needs, allow children to talk about the events.

They may ask about the events again around September 11th in the classroom.

Also, have them seek some support networks.

In other words, your guidance counselor knows of other support networks in your community, and your school social worker, other teachers, people know of support networks.

Bring the parents in and ask them what can we do to help these children.

Also, in the classroom you may want to use some things that are unorthodox.

You may want to do exercise in the morning to relieve stress.

You may want to use some humor.

Let children bring in some jokes and things that they think might be appropriate.

Of course, you may wanna look at that joke first to see if it's appropriate, but let them bring in some things to relieve some stress in the classroom.

Also, art and creative writing are always great for that.

It just gives them permission to start letting release of some of their tensions in the classroom.

Carolyn> And I think that's important, and teachers really help set that climate and that atmosphere of being able for students to feel comfortable enough to share their feelings.

Beth> And that's the most important thing, teachers give that permission to students to do that.

Even if it breaks up the day, a little bit of what we had planned for the day, it will help the days go smoother in the future.

And also, if a school can commit to something personally meaningful and important in your classroom every month.

If the teacher can do this-- such as a class project to help someone in the community or the school, help someone in need-- this also helps that student in that classroom know that even though I'm not able to tell you yet what is bothering me, I am able to help someone else.

Being able to give back to someone else makes your condition and your problems seem less important to stress out about.

Also, help the school to plan and develop some of these projects together.

If something your child brings to the attention at the school, plan these projects together.

Let that child know that they're important.

You can also join other community projects.

Carolyn> I know, I wanted to share this because a kindergarten teacher asked me, they said we want to remember 9/11 as it approaches.

So what she was going to do with her students is to have them make a chain and have it red, white, and blue, and make it in the shape of the American flag, and then put it up on the bulletin board.

That was a way that they could contribute and to feel--or to remember what had happened.

Beth> And it also bonds them together in their experience, which is wonderful... we are united together.

As long as you feel united, you feel like you have support.

And that follows right into mobilizing an ongoing support system in your school.

Peers talking with peers... plan times for teachers in the classroom to plan times for youth to talk with other youth, because youth will say things to other youth they won't say to adults.

And they will also problem-solve with other youth.

So youth talking to youth, plan times in your classroom for that.

And also, a time for youth to talk with adults in the school, where it's a private time where you can talk about concerns.

Also, anything to do with youth discussion groups is a great way to place into your classroom some support.

Then we've talked about providing avenues for stress, but teaching problem solving in the classroom is most important... about any type of activity because then you feel like you have a sense of mastery and control.

So, any way that a student can provide some problem solving in their classroom about day-to-day life would be important.

And it's important for the school to be committed to some type of meaningful activity this year.

So, it would be important for your principal and teachers and your staff at the school, various staff, whether it's the bus driver and other people in the school, to say, "We're going to do some meaningful activities together as a school."

That makes the whole school climate more positive.

And some of those projects could be to help people in need, it could be to help your community look more beautiful, and it could also be that the students would have ideas of what they thought would be important.

It's always important in middle school to have youth involved in the planning, because if youth are involved, they are gonna involve other youth, and it's going to be a meaningful project.

Also, know when to refer children to other resources that are not in your school, that are outside your school.

It's also important for your principal to provide practical information about safety in schools.

Cause if children feel like they are safe in the school environment, that will relieve stress automatically.

So even just saying that over and over each school day will make those students feel safe.

And avoid too much media exposure.

I know last year, some schools, you saw 9/11 in the school all day long.

Some schools, we didn't have enough, so that the children didn't know what was going on, and anxiety was increased.

So I would say, talk with the principal and staff and plan ahead.

what are we going to share this year and what are we not if something does happen.

Have a crisis plan.

And also, pay particular attention to youth who might have experienced some trauma in the past.

In other words, you may know of some students who have lost grandparents, or lost other youth, to suicide.

You may know some children who have had traumatic experience in elementary school, because you live in the community and you know your community.

And then they are now in middle school when hormones are beginning to rage a little bit.

And you know that those types of issues may not have been fully dealt with, because our bodies don't deal with the full trauma at the time of trauma.

We wait till we're stronger, and then the little bits that we did not deal with will come out at another stressor time in our life.

So, this may be some youth that you wanna keep an eye on, because you know these youth have had difficulty in the past.

Another way is to avoid stimulants like caffeine and sugar.

And I laugh and smile when I say this because think of all of our Coke machines and all that are in the canteens at schools.

And a lot of times, that's a money-making project for our school, but if we could put things in there that would not hype children up so much, we'd realize that it also hypes up stress.

It also hypes up trauma, to add those types of stimulants to our bodies.

So children who are experiencing this already would have more of that.

So it would be good for the school to commit to a healthy diet this year and healthy exercise, such as having a walking track that children and youth use during the day.

If you notice in your classroom you're having an especially stressful day, take them outside and do something special with them around that track and role model.

It's important for children to see that there are role models in their community that are heroes in their community and not just, you know, the heroes that we typically see like the basketball stars or the race car stars.

These would be heroes like we saw on 9/11... real people doing real tasks, helping others.

And so that's what they need to see.

Also, one of the things brought to my attention lately is the school shootings that we've had were children in stress, children who have had extreme trauma.

And I knew that, but through the FBI investigations of this, all the children would say, "If I had an adult, if I had another youth that I could talk to immediately, I would not have done this in my school."

So it's just real important as adults, for us to notice what children are in trauma, what children are in crisis, and help them talk it through because we would be less likely to see school violence or other trauma coming into our neighborhoods and schools.

Carolyn> Thank you so much, Beth.

And that was good information and a lot of information for us to kind of digest and to think about as we talk.

Because I think one of the main things that you've said is that as caring adults, both as parents and as teachers, with our students and our children, is just to kind of be aware of what's going on with them and to be in tune with them and then give them permission to be able to express their feelings and be able to communicate that.

Beth> Yes.

Carolyn> So, thank you.

Beth> Thank you.

Carolyn> Our next panel member is Wanda Nunn.

Wanda, thank you so much for being here today too.

Wanda is a school-based mental health counselor, and she's in Lexington County.

And she works primarily with elementary students, although you work with some adolescents as well, I know, but we wanted to focus today on-- we know that there's going to be different reactions with young children, different from adolescents.

So we wanted to focus on some things that might be helpful, behaviors to look for.

Beth's touched on some of it, but some detailed behaviors to look for, and really some ways in which we can assist our young children during this time.

> Well, thank you, Carolyn, for inviting me.

I think Beth has done an excellent job in summing up a lot of the symptoms that you do see with youth and young children.

I think that oftentimes you will see in children's play a lot of the trauma issues that they may be experiencing.

Some of the children I've worked with want to be super agents, and they want to take down terrorists, and they may build blocks that are very tall and take things and crash them into them to replay what they've seen in order to try and make sense of what's been going on.

Also, in their play, you may see them running around like they are superheroes or FBI agents, things of that sort that oftentimes emulate their need to make sense or to help.

That's one way to see whether or not-- or examples of how children will demonstrate their need to address a trauma issue.

The aggression that you may see in really small children, they may not be able to verbalize the way older children do or adults do, so we need to pay attention.

If you have a child that's not normally cranky or whiney, that they become cranky and whiney, what's really going on with that child?

Is it about something that's happened recently, or is it a memory or some other issue that's coming up?

So you pay attention to the changes in children's behavior.

Sleep habits...if you find that they don't want to sleep alone, they have to crawl into Mommy or Daddy's bed a lot, or if they have to have a light on when previously they didn't.

They respond to planes flying overhead, as you said before, or even parents arguing, although it may not be anything particularly loud or in any way violent, just the fact that there is discord.

If you see that your children tend to cringe or hide, those are indicators that a child is having a pretty severe reaction to something, and you need to pay attention to that.

I think paying attention is the keyword.

You have to be aware of what your children are experiencing, because they're not going to always come to you and tell you what's going on, especially the little kids, K through 2nd or 3rd grade.

They're not going to say, "I feel sad," because they don't have the language for that in some cases.

Carolyn> Do you think it might be a good idea for parents as the anniversary of September 11th approaches-- and, of course, we will see more things on the media.

But do you think it might be good idea or what should parents do?

Should they initiate talking with their children about this, or should they wait until their children ask questions about this or maybe exhibit some of the behaviors to begin that conversation?

What might be a good way to approach that?

Wanda> I think that's a very good question, and each parent will probably take a different stance.

I would probably at least pay closer attention to their behavior around that time.

Oftentimes children have memories or feelings and are not able to exactly attach it to a particular reason, so you don't want to say it's because of September 11th, when it might be because Bobo the dog died around the same time, or Grandpa died, or some other stressor may have happened.

You do want to pay attention to what feelings are coming up and not be afraid to be truthful and open if a child has questions and you provide answers in a developmentally appropriate way.

If you have a kindergartner or a first grader who asks questions about September 11th, then you definitely should be honest about it.

You know, "Are we going to war?"

"Is this going to happen again?"

You have to be honest, and if you don't know the answers, you can say, "I don't know the answers, but I'll find out more for you."

We need to talk to our children more than just about September 11th.

We need to talk to them constantly because it's through that interaction between parent and child that children learn safety and security, that they are okay, and that they can be okay.

So we, as parents and adults, we have to model that for them, that we can get through whatever difficulties that are coming our way or that we've experienced in the past.

And the best way to do that is talk to them about a variety of issues, not necessarily just about what happened on September 11th.

You know, a lot of things that are happening in the news now are very frightening to children, so we have to pay attention to that as well, and limit news access to children.

Carolyn> With your work in the schools with the young children, what are some ways that you work with the children?

I know you work with some individually and you work some with groups, but in helping them through some of these emotions and work through some of these emotions.

Wanda> I think probably the best thing you can do with young children is to put them in groups, especially when it comes to teaching them to recognize their feelings.

That is, I think, very important for children in order to be able to handle and become more self-aware and have higher self-esteem about their ability to handle negative things in their lives.

And they have to be able to identify what their feelings are so they can then choose an appropriate reaction to them, because feelings aren't bad... it's what you do with feelings that's really important.

And I don't think oftentimes we teach them that.

We don't give them the language that they need in order to understand that feelings are okay.

It's okay to be mad, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be worried, but what do you do with that so it won't be a hodgepodge of confusion on what do I do next.

when you are feeling particularly worried?

Give them a plan of action.

If you're worried, these are some of the things you can do.

We do fire drills to prepare children for a fire.

We need to do the same thing with their emotions to train them that they can handle their emotions and make appropriate decisions with them.

Carolyn> Would you have any kind of advice to give to schools or to principals as 9/11 approaches, the anniversary, of what the school might do or tips for parents that they might do at home?

I mean, you've mentioned some really good ones about the open communication and being attuned to what your child might be experiencing.

But, you know, I was just thinking about the fact of sending home some information to parents so they could do some follow-up, and they could do some things at home as well.

Wanda> I think some of the things that's already been mentioned, maybe a little checklist can be sent home, to pay attention for these certain behaviors.

But, doing something creative is also helpful, and doing something for someone else is also very important.

It lets you know that you can do things for other people.

That's very important for little people to learn very early, is that it's okay to do other things for other people, even though you're not certain what the exact perfect thing out there is to do.

Carolyn> But to be part of a cooperative kind of thing and that you have a part in that.

Wanda> Exactly, it gives them a sense of self and community and increases their safety and security in their own environments.

Carolyn> Good, good... thank you.

Wanda> Thank you.

Carolyn> Margie Sartori is our next panel member.

And Margie is a middle school guidance counselor at Sanders Middle School in Richland School District One.

And she works certainly with that age group that we were saying that the hormones are raging and all kinds of things are happening, but you've also had experience in working with high school kids as well, so your focus has been with working with adolescents.

I know we have touched again at the beginning with Beth's comments about adolescents, but from your experience, Margie, in working in middle school and certainly working in high school, what might be some behaviors and some things that adolescents may exhibit and how can we work with them?

> Going back to 9/11 and the following days in the school, there were some patterns of behavior that were somewhat surprising to me with regards to the middle school child.

We did have a mental health counselor on-site during the entire day following the 9/11 attack, and surprisingly, children were not coming to the guidance office to talk to the mental health counselor.

And so I was concerned, what is it that's happening that these children are really not expressing fear, they're not expressing pain, or any sort of strong emotions concerning the events.

And as I look back at the middle school child and the developmental stage in which they're at, we find that the middle school child is very much concerned about what others think of them.

They're very much concerned about appearing courageous and strong and independent among their peers as well.

On that day, there were a few girls that did need some emotional support, but the young men did not show up.

And there's more of a tendency among the males to hide their feelings, to downplay their worry, and to use humor and jokes as a way to camouflage, or to cover, their fear.

And so because this age group is sometimes reluctant to talk openly about their true feelings, there are strategies that need to be used with these children in order to help them open up and express what they're really thinking, what they're really worrying about.

The middle school child, of course, does have those signs, displays the signs that the other children display as well, but they conceal them.

They will probably also have trouble sleeping.

They might even have nightmares, very concerned about their own safety.

There were expressions several weeks after the incidents about seeing a plane and wondering if that plane was going to hit their house and not being able to take their eyes off of planes in spite of the fact that they felt so fearful.

Another indicator might be that the aggression-- children might show aggressive behavior because there is so much fear.

Sometimes the way to let out that fear is to become aggressive... when oftentimes and in other occasions, they're not.

Teachers need to be aware in changes of behavior.

They need to be aware, also, in changes in their academic performance.

They may become withdrawn as well and not want to talk about it at all.

We need to understand, also, that as parents and as adults that we need to help children understand that fear is okay, that fear is a normal reaction, and that we do live in a chaotic world and that sometimes random acts of violence occur and oftentimes there are no simple answers.

It's difficult to try to balance helping a child feel safe and acknowledging that violence exists in this world.

We have to help the child, the students, understand, that they are safe, that there are very many good people that are doing everything they possibly can to make it a safe world in which to live, to make us feel safe.

Yet at the same time, there are things that do happen with no explanation that is rational to us.

Oftentimes some irrational acts don't have rational explanations no matter how we try to explain it.

It makes no sense.

Parents also, as well need to, when they're approaching their children because they see some signs that have been detailed here, that they offer the child the opportunity and an environment to trust that they can speak without being downplayed and without their feelings being exaggerated.

It's very important to acknowledge their feelings.

Also, it's very important for us adults as well to not overreact and also to manage our own stress and our own fear as this day approaches as well, because we feed into the anxiety and fears of the children.

Carolyn> Exactly, and children, no matter what age, really react based on the adults around them and how they handle whatever the event is, whether it's a tragedy, a death, or you know, a disaster, or whatever it is.

<Exactly> So they take their cue from us as caring adults.

As a counselor in a middle school, you've talked about strategies and things to look for.

From your personal experience based on last year and then working with this age group, what are some ways that you work with children and what're some things that you do in the school to assist them with expressing their feelings?

You were commenting about last year and 9/11 that you were surprised because they didn't come down, and it was typical-- young girls did.

You know, boys don't usually want to talk about their feelings.

But, what are some things that you've done to help bring these kids out so that they can talk about their feelings and they know that, you know, it's safe to do that?

Margie> Guidance counselors are in an excellent position to go into the classroom and design activities that can help children explore their feelings, understand that feelings are okay, and to bring out the fears and the worries that they've had over 9/11.

Personally, I went to the classrooms and talked about managing anxiety, because something else might happen.

We don't want it to, but there are other situations in life.

It may not be a terrorist attack, but there are stressful events and traumatic events in life that are part of living.

And therefore, to help them learn to cope with these traumatic events in the future, as well as with the feelings that they're having over 9/11.

I also worked with teachers in helping them identify signs that they might see in children that possibly might need to be referred to the guidance office.

And also, helping teachers become aware that it is not a taboo subject, that if it comes up in the classroom, to allow opportunities for discussion of the experiences that they may be feeling and of the topic itself, about 9/11.

And one of the key things is that a child will open up if a child trusts.

It's very important to establish a trusting relationship so that the child feels that he is not threatened by any sort of criticism by another adults because of the way that he or she is feeling.

Carolyn> Right.

That is so important.

> And another concern, also, with the terrorist attack is that some children might tend to show anger at the people of that country.

And we need to focus and help the children understand that it's not the people of that country that did this, but that there are a select few, that many of which we'll know nothing about, that did this thing to us.

They need to understand that we have to understand the culture.

We need to understand other people and their cultures so we can accept that it's is not them that did it.

Carolyn> Thank you, that was good information for us.

Our last panel member is Dr.

Ron Miles, who is an education counseling consultant in South Carolina.

Ron has had extensive experience working with young children as a school guidance counselor and also with youth in crisis when he was a coordinator at a district level.

And thank you for being with us today, Ron.

We appreciate so much your being here.

And share with us maybe some additional variables that might be related to loss as we work with our students, because what we've really talked about is loss.

We've talked about communication.

But focusing on student losses with us, share some of that with us.

> Carolyn, I appreciate this opportunity to be with you and to the people that joined us in our schools and homes across this state.

I'd like to begin, when we talk about variables and loss, to indicate that there are two strategic points we need to consider.

And previous panel members have touched on these, and I'd like to reinforce what they've said.

I think first of all, it is very important to remember that not only will 9/11 be an anniversary of the terrorist attack, but any loss is an anniversary that triggers memories of other losses we've had in our lives.

So there will be children and adolescents that the anniversary around September 11th will trigger losses of other people, other relationships, and other experiences in their life.

And so, we want to make sure that we're not focusing just necessarily on that event but also be very sensitive that there are other events in children's lives that are perceived as losses.

The second dimension that I think is critically important is the fact that there is, what I call, a parallel process.

By that, I mean that often the experiences children are having are the experiences that we, as adults, are having as well.

As caretakers, as parents, as educators, and counselors, our role with our children, as one of the previous panelists has said, children take cues from us.

And so we, as the caretakers, need to be very sensitive that indeed as children grieve losses related to September 11th and other losses, we too, are just like children... we grieve those losses as well.

Carolyn, when we begin to look at these losses and these experiences, I think it's very important that we take into consideration eight very important variables.

The first one relates to losses that are considered part of the developmental process.

For example, this being the beginning of another school year, it is developmentally normal, if you will, for children to experience a loss of the freedom from summer vacation, and then coming back for another school year, and going from less structure to more structure.

And that is perceived as a developmental loss.

Students graduating from high school, that's a developmental loss, going from the loss of a certain group of friends to a more expansive experience in a postsecondary institution, the military, or into the workforce.

A second variable, however, are losses that are developmentally inappropriate, things that were not developmentally expected.

Things that were out of line, such as the death of a parent, is a developmentally disruptive loss.

When children have these losses, we might want to consider five considerations, the first one being, is does this loss interfere with that child's developmental stage as far as his or her development?

Secondly, did this loss happen too early or too late in that child's life, and, once again, influence his or her development?

Thirdly, was this an anticipated loss or a sudden loss?

Thirdly, was this a loss that was somehow related to being against cultural or social norms?

And fifthly, was this loss a loss that isolated the child from support networks?

Those are the types of things, when I mentioned a loss, that perhaps we perceived as being something that's disruptive to the normal developmental process.

A third dimension we want to consider in loss is the fact that some losses appear positive and we negate that there is a loss behind it.

For example, moving to a new home we may perceive as a positive change.

However, the child may be experiencing some type of loss because he or she is giving up friends from a previous neighborhood.

So we want to be very sensitive to the dimension that some losses appear positive, but it's still a loss.

Fourthly, as I said earlier, a sudden or anticipated loss.

A sudden loss, such as the death of a parent in an automobile accident, the suicide of a friend, may have a traumatic impact.

Anticipated losses may be a grandparent with a lingering illness that we anticipate a death.

One thing we must remember as adults is even if the loss is anticipated, it is still a loss.

We may think that people have more time to prepare, but there is still the reality that when that loss occurs, it is a loss.

A fifth dimension we'd like to look at is the multiple dimensions of a loss, that sometimes losses are not just one thing happens and we have one reaction.

There are multiple reactions, multiple experiences.

For example, if a grandparent is a primary caretaker for a child and that grandparent dies, not only has the child lost a grandparent, that child has lost a primary caretaker.

So that child is experiencing really two losses and perhaps even more.

A sixth dimension to look at is the nature of the attachment of the loss.

Some attachments are very positive, but, then again, some attachments are very negative.

If an attachment to an individual or an experience is negative, fear-based, or creates great agitation, it is a loss.

We may think at first it's a very healthy loss, and we're glad it happened, but the reality we must remember, it is a loss as well.

One other dimension when we look at the nature of attachment is to make sure the attachment was not overly dependent.

Because some people have developed their own identity with another person, and if that person goes away, their identity is gone too.

So we certainly want to look at the nature of the attachment.

A seventh dimension, which I think is very important to consider, is whether we see the loss or not.

Can we recognize it?

Is it visible or invisible?

If a child's parent commits suicide and it's in the newspaper, it's a very visible loss.

If it's an automobile accident and a friend's killed, it's a very visible loss.

But children, and adults as well, have invisible losses.

For example, a child that has their first sexual experience and then feels very guilty about it, or they've been manipulated by a peer into this experience.

We may not even know about that loss, so it's very important, as our previous panelists have said, to be very sensitive to the behaviors we see in children.

Just because we don't know there is a loss, please never, as adult caretakers, ever rule out the possibility of a loss.

And the 8th and final dimension I'd like to touch on is some losses are not sanctioned by our society.

For example, if a child comes in and says he or she has leukemia, there seems to be a rush of support, but if a child comes in and says "I have AIDS," there may be a different reaction.

Children who talk about the divorces of their parents may get certain support, but if the two caretakers in the relationship are the same sex, that may have a different relationship.

Remember that some losses are sanctioned and others are not.

I guess there's a question we're all going to have, and that question is this, with all this information and we see all what's going on, what do we do?

<Right> So, I'd like to hit on a few points here.

I think, one thing that's gonna occur from September 11th is a flashback to what we all felt last year related to this, flashbacks to other losses.

Things that we need to remember about flashbacks include, flashbacks are normal, memories come up on the computer screen.

So we need to remind people that is normal.

Secondly, flashbacks often follow some trigger experience, so as we have these anniversaries, please, as adults, remember that they do trigger other experiences.

And so, we have created that stage, so let's be prepared for the stage that we have created.

Thirdly, remind people that it is perfectly okay to talk to themselves and remind themselves that yes, this was a traumatic event but yes, you can get through it.

Fourthly, encourage our children and our adults to talk to other people.

And fifthly, sometimes we have to seek professional support and professional help.

There is nothing wrong with reaching out for help.

I think it is unfortunate sometimes, that we live in a society that gives more permission to a headache than a heartache.

It is okay to seek support.

And finally, as caretakers, it is important to remember that there will be emotional experiences following a traumatic event.

Don't expect the person to get better in a certain amount of time.

Maybe I process my loss in three months, but another person may take more time.

Thirdly, tell the survivor how you feel.

Fourthly, encourage the survivor of the loss to talk to either you, a support network, someone who cares.

Fifthly, remind the survivor that there are going to be many emotions released, and sometimes these emotions are confusing.

A sixth point, don't attempt to impose an explanation because sometimes, as Margie said so beautifully, we don't have answers, but please remember, we live in a world that if we don't have some type of answer, we invent answers.

And children often invent answers out of fear.

Never tell the survivor you know exactly how he or she feels and that they will certainly get better because you know how.

And that's not true.

We do not have a crystal ball to see the future.

I think he best thing we can do is remain silent sometimes.

Silence sometimes is the best support we can do.

If there are anniversary events or anything related to it, it is important for us to attend those events, whether be it a funeral or it be some type of memorial service.

Be willing to say nothing.

And finally, don't be afraid to encourage people to support each other.

Because remember, holding hands as adults, children, and adolescents is how we get through traumatic events.

Carolyn> Wow!

Thank you for that good, good information, and so much of it is true.

I know from my experience, I've seen children and their experiencing loss.

One of the things that you said, that they don't do it all at the same time, and we find this so true with school shootings, with suicides, with deaths, that everybody has to grieve in their own way and they have to cope with grief in their own way, and the timetables are not the same.

And I think another important thing that we've all said is that it's important to communicate, both parent with child, teacher with students, adults with adults... that openness of being able to communicate, not being judgmental about feelings, you know, that feelings are feelings, but how we deal with them and what we do with them is another thing, but helping children understand it's important to accept just feelings, and then to find support systems, to develop support systems around us.

And that can be with caring adults, with parents, and with our school counselors and school-based mental health counselors.

But, most of all, loving and caring and trusting each other and I think that's important.

So thank you all so very, very much.

We've identified some resources, also, that might be helpful to parents and to caring adults as we work in helping our students.

And at this time, we'd like for them to come on the screen.

One of the areas is the Guidance Services web page at the South Carolina Department of Education.... And it's on there that we have some information, some tips for parents and teachers.

And this tells you it's a long email, but, our website address.

And if you click on Responding to Crisis and then click on tips for Parents and teachers, there's some good, additional information for you.

Another resource up there, if you'll go to the next one.

Bell South has an excellent resource for children and families.

And this can be downloaded from this website of, www.BellSouthfoundation.org and the Helping America Cope, some excellent exercises for young children.

And if we'll go to the next one, we have some following websites that are good and I believe these are also on our guidance services web page as well.

You'll see these coming up.

American Academy for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry if we'll go to the next one, the American Psychological Association.

Excellent resources for parents and students, Anxiety Disorder Association of America and the Center for Mental Health Services.

That's an excellent resource.

And our last one is, "Will They Fly A Plane Into Our House?"

And that's an excellent resource for young children and parents that they can work on too.

Again, I would like to thank all of our panel members for being with us today and for sharing such good information.

We hope this has been a program that will assist you as we all remember September 11th.

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