♪ The community has a role to play in preventing suicide.

Teachers have eyes on our youth for more hours of the day than probably most other adults.

Parents know their kids and their kids' patterns of behavior.

Coaches are around our kids.

You can come around that individual with greater attention and to remind them, they are loved, they're worthy.

There is help.

There's a way through any challenge.

And tonight we are facing suicide together as a South Carolina community.

Thank you for joining us.

I'm Whitney Sullivan with News 19 in Columbia and I am the guest host of SCETV Safe Space.

Now, over the next hour we're going to continue the much-needed conversation around mental health.

Now we know it is a sensitive topic, but it's an important one to have.

Data shows the number of children and teens dying by suicide is increasing.

According to the State Department of Mental Health, South Carolina ranks 27th in the nation in suicide rates.

And unfortunately the numbers are worse when it comes to 12 through 19 year olds.

South Carolina ranks 18th in teen suicides.

According to a recent report from the Legislative Committee on Children, suicide was the leading cause of death for children in South Carolina ages 10 to 14 in 2019 and 2020.

And it was second to car accidents last year.

So, as you can see, the numbers are startling.

So, tonight we brought together high school students and mental health professionals to have an open, honest conversation about how we together can tackle this issue and work as a community to make sure that everyone feels safe, seen, and heard.

And we want to welcome our friends who are taking part in tonight's conversation.

We have Gabby Goodwin, a high school student and business owner, Riley Glenn, a high school student, and Ms. Zenethia Brown, Executive Director of NAMI Mid Carolina.

Also joining us this evening, Jennifer Butler, Program Director for the Office of Suicide Prevention for the South Carolina Department of Mental Health.

We have Dinah Taylor, Marriage and Family Therapist, and Kyla Agness, a high school student, Micah Jamison, another high school student, Hunter Singleton, Lexington District Four Psychologist, Joria Wise and Tom Day as well, they are both high school students, and last, but certainly not least, Kati Durkee, the Community Outreach Coordinator for NAMI Piedmont Tri-County.

Thank you all so much for being a part of this conversation.

I know it's not easy to talk about mental health, especially not on live TV, but we're going to have a great conversation tonight.

And I want to welcome everyone watching and let you know that you can also be a part of this conversation.

We want to hear from you.

So if you have a question, a comment, know that we're live streaming on Facebook at South Carolina ETV.

Myself, along with a team of producers, will be checking it throughout the show.

Now, before we dive in, I want to quickly explain how we got to this point today.

SCETV was awarded the Race to Solve Suicide National Impact Initiative to raise awareness of mental health wellness, suicide risk factors, and prevention practices in South Carolina communities which was rebranded SCETV Safe Space.

Over the course of this year, ETV has held listening sessions, workshops, and two town halls, one in Hardeeville and another in Rock Hill, and this is what our community had to say.

>> I don't really know how to explain it.

It's tough.

But, you know, it's just...

I don't know how to come up with words, but...

I don't even know what to say.

>> I have had two friends in the past couple months, commit suicide with no kind of warning or anything.

>> I feel like mental health is something that we don't really talk about as much.

>> It was the thing that I think we needed in this community to be able to start to chisel away at what we feel as that "Ooh, that's taboo.

We don't talk about that," but it's hurting everybody.

>> There's a lot of us that if someone said we're not okay, we all struggle with something, we all have to deal with, you know, difficult situations.

>> So, I, like most of you, have been around mental health conditions for most of my life.

I remember growing up, a man used to walk the streets in Rock Hill as if he was driving a car.

We would go around him, or we would ignore him.

We would joke with each other as youngsters about sending each other to Bull Street in Columbia, and my family was a reality.

I had three aunts that resided there frequently.

We would joke about it to cover up the pain.

>> Now, if you're ever down, it's extremely important to talk with someone.

It's just as long as you get your words out to someone, that's what is important.

>> I'm planning on starting a club that would basically give kids who are having mental issues, negative thoughts, things like that, being bullied, a safe place to come talk to our therapists, our counselors and just a place where it's all welcome.

The summer of 1978, I was 14 years old.

This young man named William Walker was the best football player, best wrestler, and he was a track star.

William had the best grades.

He was the most popular.

William was my friend.

William Walker died by suicide that summer.

Jamie Seabiscuit Nichols, he defied the odds.

After graduating from the University of South Carolina and Michigan State Law School, Jamie was a week away from entering the United States Army as a JAG officer.

Jamie died by suicide on May 5th, 2020 at approximately 8:00 a.m.

I called Jamie's phone about 9 a.m.

I believe if I'd called Jamie at 8, I could have helped him.

So, why are we here?

This is my 8 a.m. phone call.

Whitney>> And that's exactly why we are here.

We want to continue this conversation talking about what mental health is.

All right.

So, Ms. Zinnethea, I'm gonna throw this first question to you.

What is mental health?

Zenethia>> Mental health is very important.

Let's start with that, but it's basically us taking care of ourselves.

It's you knowing what you need to do, as far as being healthy, but it's taking care of our mental health in ways that we understand when things change, and we're no longer able to do the things that we love, and we're no longer able to do the things that we enjoy, and we avoid those things that bring us joy or that we once used to love.

That's when you get concerned for people, because that's when you understand that there might be something else going on with them when they start to isolate and move away from the things that bring them joy.

Whitney>> Absolutely, and I'd love to talk about this as well.

I think, as a society we talk about mental health, but it's not necessarily something that we make a priority to take care of, right?

I feel like a lot of time mental health is put on the back burner, and so Jennifer, talk to me a little bit about why it's so important to make sure that mental health is something that we prioritize.

Jennifer>> Well, when you think about mental health, normally, the first thing you think, your brain kind of switches it to mental illness, and you start thinking about depression and anxiety and names of illnesses.

But really, if we start talking about mental well-being, or emotional well-being, or mental fitness, that seems to make more sense to us.

We know that our body needs to be fit.

Our brain is part of that body, right?

It's how when we think about what we're talking about, what Zenethia described, it's really the emotional expression of what is happening to our body inside, so it's really whole body health.

And the reason that it's so important is because mental health is not something we can see.

Or mental illness, mental symptoms are not something we can outwardly see unless there's a change in behavior, right?

If I broke my leg and came in here on crutches, you would go "Oh, she needs help.

Let me open the door for her.

Let me carry her bag for her."

But if I'm hurting inside because I'm depressed, you may not see that, and so you may not know to offer to help me to call me to maybe say, "Can I do your laundry" or "Can I come hang out with you today after school?"

So, it's so important that these conversations are happening, and we get what's inside, outside.

Whitney>> Absolutely, and I want to toss this now to Gabby.

So, I've done a couple of interviews with Gabby before, so we're like old friends here.

Okay.

I am 'tryna' stay in touch with everything that's goin' on with the young folks.

But what... That made me sound older, didn't it?

Gabby>> It did, most definitely.

Whitney>> I'm trying, I'm trying.

(laughs) What do you believe that teens your age, how do y'all define mental health?

Gabby>> Honestly, I think just being able to, like, take time for ourselves.

And I feel like a lot of people might think that as a young person, we're not having challenges with our mental health, but as statistics show that you said, that it really is a big problem, especially with even younger kids, like you said, 10 to 14 years old, and they're still growing.

They're still maturing.

So, I think for us, and a lot of people might take this as arrogance or might take it as just them being self-centered, but really, it's just being able to actually take care of yourself.

But at the same time, a lot of us don't really show what's going on, because we might, you know, put on a smile and say, "Hey, I'm good.

I don't have any issues or any problems," but then you might deal with it internally.

So I think there's a little more that we might need to do to be able to showcase, the importance of mental health, especially in schools or in extracurricular activities, but I think we really need to emphasize being able to take care of ourselves instead of being there for everybody else and trying to do everything, whether that's school, whatever extracurriculars, whatever personal things you have going on, just to be able to take time for yourself, and I definitely need to do that as a busy person, that I am to maintain my mental health as well.

Whitney>> I love that you say that too.

And I don't know if you've ever heard this where somebody says you can't pour into somebody else's cup if you're empty.

Have y'all ever heard that before?

Right?

And so that's very true, and I think that relates a lot to mental health.

You want to be able to check on other people, but I think it's also important to make sure that you are okay and then you can pour out, but you can't do that if you're on e. The car can't go if there's not any gas in it.

And so that's an example that I've grown up hearing as well.

Now Riley, you were shaking your head a lot when Gabby was talking.

What were you thinking?

Riley>> I think it is a bad stigma around mental health.

People see depression or anxiety or bipolar as something bad, and they push away from it.

They shut down, or they just stop altogether.

So, I feel like, just as Gabby was saying, we need to learn to take time for ourselves.

We need to pay attention to certain signs and our behavior, because if you can't even pay attention to it, how is someone else going to?

Whitney>> Yeah, absolutely.

Such a good response there too.

Now, my two friends over here, one of you ladies want to let us know: Do y'all feel like people talk about mental health a lot in high school, or is it kind of a conversation that comes up every once in a while?

What do y'all think?

Micah>> Well, I don't think it comes up, well, for parents.

I don't think kids talk a lot about it with their parents, because I think, like, with social media and, like, all the new technology, they feel like their parents wouldn't understand what they're going through, or, like, when they compare themselves to other people.

But amongst peers, I think people, like, they give you like hints, like, they joke about it.

Whitney>> Mmm.

Micah>> And you can kind of catch it there.

Whitney>> Yeah.

Yeah.

People don't necessarily want to outright say it, but they kind of let you know in a roundabout way.

Now we've got to talk to our school psychologist here.

So there's been such a movement really behind mental health more recently.

Have you noticed that from what you're seeing, there are more people, more students having this conversation, more teachers having this conversation?

Hunter>> I think definitely so, especially with, like, everything with the pandemic, and students just having a lot more mental health concerns because of that, but I think what you guys were talking about over here, like just, you know, paying attention to, like, your peers, like, even if it seems like a joke, making sure that, you know, we're saying something to somebody in the building, letting an adult know, so that the school can address that, and make sure that that's, like, taken seriously, because, you know, sometimes those jokes might be serious.

And if we don't know about it, we can't do anything about it.

So even like any change in demeanor, or if there's, like, social media posts, making sure that you let someone know.

Whitney>> Have you seen more students come to you or use those resources at schools?

Hunter>> Definitely, yes.

The past couple of years, there's definitely been an uptick, especially in, like, younger populations, seeing more where we have to do suicide risk assessments at schools throughout the country, yeah.

Whitney>> Absolutely.

Joria, what do you think about when you think of mental health?

Joria>> I think a lot of the youth, like, the younger people, are scared to talk about it because of what will happen, like, what would be pushed onto them.

So they don't really talk about it to adults.

But around friend groups around the same age areas, they'll talk about it more.

Whitney>> And so, do you think that it's more of a, like the name says, more of a safe space when you're around your friends?

Yeah, absolutely, now, okay, so going back to you.

What is the best way for, if a, let's say a student or one of their friends is, like, this conversation is moving to a place where I think they really need some help.

How do you navigate that?

Because that's a lot of weight to bear for a teenager, if they think their friend is hurting.

Hunter>> Mmm-hmm, like in terms of... Whitney>> Getting help, resources.

Hunter>> So the first thing, just letting an adult in the building know, like a counselor, anybody, like, just letting an adult and they'll know what to do, and get you in contact with someone, and letting your friend know that like, hey, you know, you care, and you're listening, but immediately letting someone know, and if you're at home, like, you know, letting an adult know the next day, but telling your parent or like, you know, calling your friend's parent if you can, because that's the best thing, just like getting it out there, someone can watch them and make sure that they're okay.

Whitney>> Absolutely.

But I can understand.

I think I remember being a teenager and being concerned about maybe like how an adult would view me if I said certain things, but the reality of the situation is, and all of my adults here can say that with us, we want to have that conversation.

We want to hear from you.

We want to talk about it and that there really isn't any judgment.

And when I look back on my younger years, I realized that I was actually more scared of what was going to happen than what actually did happen, you know.

Yeah, absolutely.

All right.

So speaking of adults, we got to talk about parents.

So we have been asked by parents how to start a conversation about mental health with their kids.

Now, questions include: When's the right time to talk about this?

How can you tell when something is up versus a teenage just being a teenager.

So, let's see what some community members in Rock Hill had to say.

>> I feel like more people my age specifically should be introduced to this type of stuff.

>> I'm the father of a 14 year old African American boy who sleeps a lot, spends a lot of time in his room playing video games, talks very little sometimes.

How do we differentiate between what, quite honestly, right now seems like normal behavior versus him going inward, and us not knowing.

As a parent, how do we know the difference, and then how do you start the conversation so that it's not uncomfortable.

>> They're in their room all the time.

They seem angry sometimes.

They're happy the next time.

So understanding that it's a normal process in human growth and development, but when you start to recognize extremes, highs or lows, then you start to ask those uncomfortable questions, whether it makes them uncomfortable or not, and sometimes as parents it makes us uncomfortable.

>> Every experience is not the same, but it is very important that the sharing happens, because then that becomes a part of support that leads to healing.

Put a letter on the bed.

Let them respond in their time when they're ready.

That way, they know that it's comfortable to speak to their parents about anything, letting them know that, "Hey, I care, and I'm here when you are ready," and it's not a forced situation.

And if they know that support is there, often times they will come to you, but please don't hesitate to always check in if that means checking book bags, checking through phones.

We let our children already know, "I will check your phone regardless, so it's mine, "it's not yours, so be very mindful of what you put in the phone," so that they know that their parameters around what they do.

And also that's a level of protection.

They know they care.

My family cares for me.

Whitney>> I love that, family cares.

All right, so I want to start with our teens again.

So what made you finally decide to open up and talk about your feelings or talk about your mental health?

What led to that?

Gabby>> I think just being able to kind of like, you know, growing up, you kind of have not necessarily a fear of telling your parents how you feel, but then you grow up, you know, you have to be able to tell your parents how you feel, so they can be able to cater to your needs.

And you get in that little weird 10 to 14 year old range, and it's just like I don't know how to feel, and I don't exactly know if I should be able to tell my parents, but I think being able to actually grow up and actually begin to have not necessarily start a relationship, but start, like, a more mature relationship with your parents.

So, I think for me, and I mean, obviously, a lot of teens still have to work on it, but being able to just say things throughout the day, being able to talk about your day, talk about what pissed you off and what didn't, and what made you happy throughout the day, and being able to kind of start that relationship with your parents is something that helps them understand you more, and then also being able to kind of gain guidance from them in certain areas that they've already been through as well.

Zenethia>> I'm curious.

Did you initiate the conversation or initiate that or did your parents do that for you?

Gabby>> I honestly haven't really had, you know, much mental health conversations.

It's just more of about, as she said before, I'm a business owner, I'm a student.

So I do a lot, and I think that sometimes my parents just notice when I'm off, or I might just, you know, have a meltdown in front of them and being able to just have those candid moments is something that helps with the relationship and helps move forward, but I guess it's really just a 50-50 on who notices it first or who feels as though you should be able to really talk about the subject as well.

>> I'm happy you have that.

Riley>> For me, my mom initiated the conversation.

It really just starts off with, "How was school?"

And if she can tell my energy is off, when I'm telling her about my day or my week, we then sit down, and we just have that one on one conversation.

And at first, I did not like them at all, because you never want to tell your mom that you don't feel good.

You always want to tell your mom the good things that you have going on.

So it was hard for me at first, but after we really had that good first sit down, one-on-one conversation, it really does get easier, because your parents care the most.

You have friends, you have other relationships, but literally, when I tell you your parents care the most about you, your parents care the most about you and what you have to say.

Whitney>> And one thing that we used to do around the dinner table with my family is, and my dad started this, is, he would say, "Tell me the high of your day, and then tell me the low of your day."

And I think it was great because just starting the foundation of having that everyday conversation, because I was talking to them about my highs and lows every day, it felt very easy and natural to have a conversation if I felt off.

So it's like creating that foundation.

Ms. Taylor, I want to throw things to you.

So, what are some things that parents can do when they're trying to create this foundation, so that their teens and their kids can feel comfortable talking to them about their mental health?

Dinah>> Yes, a really very good question.

Before I answer that, could I piggyback back off of...?

Whitney>> Please.

Dinah>> Yeah, so, one of the things, I serve marginalized communities, and a lot of times we're talking about parents, but a lot of times parents aren't there.

Parents are working.

So, that access to those people who kind of should be observing those behaviors, a lot of times aren't there.

And so one of the things that, you know, I always tell families and clients is really figure out who your therapeutic third is.

It's a kind of like a counseling term that we use, right?

A third of the people that we encounter are going to be neutral.

They really don't add or take away from our lives.

A third of the people in our lives are going to be harmful, right?

If we go to them with our conversations, with our needs, there's a very strong chance that they may just make us feel worse.

Some of us probably know some people when we are around them, it makes us leave that conversation a little bit more anxious, right?

And then there's a third of people that we know that are in our circles who make us feel better, who make us just, you know, just welcome our conversations, and so it's so important.

Even if you don't have those people in your... those, those kind of significant parental figures, really figure out who those other people are, who you can go to and you can kind of have that safe space to really have those conversations.

But for caregivers and parents who are around, I think the very first thing is like most of us have been saying, really observe what's going on with your kids.

And we are kind of like in this technology age where technology and everybody's on Instagram and Snapchat, and what else is out here, y'all?

>> Tik Tok Dinah>> Tik Tok, all these things, right?

And so even though that's kind of like the way of the world, it doesn't mean it has to be what's happening 24 hours a day.

And so sometimes parents are going to have to gently pull them out of their rooms, right?

Come and talk to me, come downstairs, like let's go out for ice cream, or let's go out, and just let's take a walk, right?

Nature does wonders for students, because they're always kind of head down, looking into their phones.

And so, just kind of sometimes you might have to kind of gently tug at them to kind of come out of their spaces.

Zenethia>> I agree with you.

I know I have I have two kids, 14 and 21, and when they were growing up, I was worried about annoying them, or them being upset with me or not liking me or just, you know, avoiding me.

But they're going to, they're going to be annoyed with me anyway.

They're teenagers.

You know, I had to come to terms with that, you know, and just decide that, you know what?

It's better for them to be annoyed with me because I care and because I'm trying to start the conversation and because I'm talking to them, than because I'm absent and they're in their room and I'm in my room and we're not interacting.

So, you know, don't worry about that, because kids get angry about anything sometimes, you know, especially with their parents.

But basically, take the step to be involved and ask the questions whether they want to have a conversation or not.

Jennifer>> I think we're talking about high school and teenagers.

But the reality is these things, don't start just because you went into puberty.

They're actually starting much earlier.

We're seeing a rise in our elementary school age children, kindergarten through second grade with intentional self-harming, and so I think it's important to be proactive as parents.

As a parent of an 11 year old and a 21 year old, I started talking about this when they were toddlers.

As soon as I could talk about soothing yourself, as soon as I could talk about distracting yourself, I started having these conversations because we don't want to wait until there's a problem, and then go, let me knock on the door, right, and try to engage at that point.

We want this to always be the conversation.

So, tonight put the 988 number and put the crisis text line number on your refrigerator, so that your kid sees, "Oh, my parents know that this is out there," just like they put 911 or the fire department on the refrigerator, and so they know that this is something that we need to have access to.

That can be your conversation starter, and really kind of have those, as you said, like your dad did.

There's regular conversations when there's not a problem, so that when there is a problem, maybe it's easier to get that connection.

Whitney>> Absolutely, I love that you spoke about how to start the conversation, because it seems like once you get started, then things just start to flow naturally.

Now, I want to address something that you said, Riley.

You were talking about how you didn't want to tell your mom that you weren't having a good day.

And so, this is for all of our high school students in here, and this is something that I remember experiencing when I was in college, and I really started to struggle with mental health.

I didn't want to tell my mom in particular because I was nervous about disappointing her.

Riley >> Exactly, exactly.

Whitney>> Can any of y'all speak to that?

Have y'all ever been afraid of that disappointment?

Kyla>> Kind of, for me, it was just like, you know, I just don't want to, like, if I was struggling, I don't want to feel like this, you know, I don't want to, like, keep feeling with this and like, holding on my emotions and just, like, what I'm feeling inside.

It's just like, you know, my parents have been through stuff.

I can get good advice for a bit, you know.

Let me just open up.

You never know how they're gonna react until you, you know, ask or talk about it.

So, it's just like, you know, I just took a shot at it, and it was just great for me.

But for me, just to open up was just more like, I don't want to keep feeling like this blah blah blah, like, I'm just alone.

So yeah, that's what it is for me.

Whitney>> You got to a place where you learn.

I just have to talk about something.

I've got to talk about it.

Any of y'all ever with the disappointment?

Riley>> I just didn't want for my parents, not even just my parents, but for anybody to look at me differently, because everybody that knows me personally, they know me as the happy girl.

They know me as the funny girl.

They know me as a smart girl.

They don't know me as the girl who cries.

Like, they don't see that.

So I feel like the reason why it was so hard for me to start that, to start talking about it in the beginning was because I didn't want for anybody to look at me differently.

Kyla>> I think more than that was just like, looking like that is just like, me, you know, I'm always like, you know, happy, positive around my friends.

I don't want to be, you know, sad or look blah So you just put on, like, a little mask and, you know, just be like, continuing to, like, get in the habit of always being excited and happy for your friends, but it's just like, you know, sometimes you just gotta let it go.

Gabby>> Yeah, I get that too, because there's so many things that pull at me and tug at me too.

And I know that that's the same for a lot of other teens, whether it be whatever activities you do.

So I think being able to kind of hold onto your stereotype as you would call it.

You know, people, they were talking about being the nice girl, being the funny girl, being the one that people always go to.

And I feel that way all the time, but it's just like, and I low key, like, held it in for a little bit because I'm just, like, I have to keep my character and, I mean, I'm a very strong individual and I take pride in that, but at the same time, you just gotta let stuff go.

So, I mean, even now more candid with my feelings and being able to actually, you know, showcase it and show it in a different way, just being able to, like, be straight up because for me, as, you know, a person of influence in school or whatever, wherever I am, just being able to kind of guide my friends, but also be able to say, "Hey, I'm a normal person too."

So, just being able to, like, showcase that and, I mean, there is a level of disappointment or a level of feeling of disappointment that you might have, but if you, it's better being candid rather than holding it all in until something actually boils over.

Whitney>> Exactly.

Exactly.

And I used to think that one of the stereotypes, when I was younger struggling with mental illness, people would say, "Oh, that's kind of like it was weak, right?

But one of the strongest, bravest things that anybody can do is to be honest about their feelings and seek that help.

There is never any shame in getting help, and y'all are so organically transitioning into the next question that I want to talk about.

What stereotypes do y'all hear or see people put on folks who are struggling with their mental illness?

I want to hear from our teens again on that one.

Micah>> Well, with, like stereotypes, I think people, like, they view, like, you know, they're like, "Oh, she's cutting herself, she's doing that."

Like, they quote them as crazy, but you need to really see it as like just as she was talking about somebody with a broken foot, they need help.

They're mentally hurting, like, they're not crazy and they're not, like, doing it for attention.

A lot of people say that too, and they're just really struggling.

I think people need to see it more as signs like they need help rather than oh, it's for attention increase.

It's just really seen in more of a negative light.

Whitney>> Absolutely, thank you, yeah.

Riley>> Sometimes it's said you're doing too much.

You need to calm down.

You need, like, you're just over exaggerating.

That is said a lot.

I've heard other people.

I've heard people say that to other people, and that has been said to me, I need to calm down.

I'm doing too much.

And it's in those moments where you really just shut down, and you don't say anything, because then you're thinking, like me, I'm an over-thinker.

Anything somebody says, or anything somebody does, I'm constantly thinking, like, is it something that I did that made them react that way, or something that I said that made them say that back to me.

So it's just when things like that get said, you just shut down, and then it's like I said before.

So, it's just a bad stigma around mental health and illness and depression and all of that.

How should they, and this is for our mental health professionals in the room, how should they respond to that?

How do you handle fighting those stereotypes?

Zenethia>> Like she was saying earlier, I think part of that is recognizing which third those people are, you know, if they're not listening to you, and if they're dismissing you, and they're not wanting to talk further and dive further, then maybe they're not the people that you need to go to.

There is that third of people that you can go to that will listen and want to know how they can help and how they can further the conversation, and I've always said that mental illness helps you cull, you know, your friendships sometimes, because a lot of people aren't ready for people talking about them and health conditions, and so it makes you understand who your real friends are, and so, yeah, and so, you know, if you go to someone and they're dismissive, then you know that they're not the ones necessarily for you, and there are other people that you can talk to.

There are plenty of people out there that care.

Whitney>> Absolutely.

Now, we've gotten a couple of comments on Facebook, so thank you to everybody who's been joining.

One of the questions comes from Aimee Crouch who says, "How can you tell if your child is just having an off day compared to being depressed?"

Who wants to take this one on?

Hunter>> Then just ask, right?

Like, I don't know if you notice any kind of difference, that's the best thing to do, and like we're talking about - Kyla>> I would say if you, like, you know, that's your child.

You've been around them, like, all the time.

If, you know, they're not acting theirselves, I mean, it could be pretty obvious that something is off, and they're not really acting or, you know, how they usually would.

So, just like, look at their, you know, body language and behavior.

Whitney>> Absolutely.

Zenethia>> It's tough.

It's not easy.

It is tough.

Whitney>> And then we have another question here from Salandra Bowman, who says, "What's your advice for young people struggling with their mental health and experiencing challenges at home?"

Dinah, I'm going to throw this one to you.

Dinah>> Yeah.

So, I think, and that's a really, really good question.

And the truth of the matter is, a lot of our teens are facing that.

And so, it really goes back to there are so many people in our lives that's not necessarily always connected to us in ways like in our homes, but it could possibly be a coach, right?

Or it could be the school nurse.

Or it could be someone who's literally just in your neighborhood, right?

And really kind of making sure that you have those conversations, building those connections upfront, because a lot of times when you're in crisis, you really want to go to someone that you've already established relationship with, that you have connection with.

And so, the important thing is really kind of building those connections before things get really, really awful and really bad, but really building those connections and those relationships prior to, but it doesn't always have to be someone in your home.

It could very well be Little Miss Suzy down the street, right?

[laughter] Whitney>> She's got the answers.

Okay, so also I'm going to ask this for you, Kati.

We just got this question from Gina, who says, "Should parents be transparent "with their own mental health struggles, and if so, to what extent?"

Kati>> I absolutely think they should.

I think that we should normalize the conversation around mental health as much as we normalize the conversation around physical health.

I don't think any parent has not said to their child, "Go outside and play.

Get outside and get some sunshine."

And I think we should be having those same conversations about mental health.

But I do want to go back to some of the things that have been said, because I really do want to emphasize the fact that a lot of our children may not have a family to go back to, but they may not even be in school.

They may have already stopped going to school by the time they're 14.

If their mental health is an obstruction to them building relationships, quite often they're actually isolated, and they don't have those opportunities to build the relationships.

And I think that that's a big part of the conversation that we're missing, is that there are some children who never returned to school from the pandemic, for instance, you know, and those children also, we need to know how to reach them and how to find those kids and bring them back into the community.

But also the children, whose maybe their behavior is very off and very off-putting to other people that get ostracized and isolated.

We want to make sure that we're talking to those kids too, because they're in as much trouble as all of our children.

So I think we need to to keep having these conversations so that, you know, the kids at school and the kids who you see kind of disappear from school and, you know, where are those kids?

And how do we have the conversations with those kids?

Again, it's the parents if they've got them, and then I don't know.

You know, for us we've got the drop-in center, but I don't know in other areas what we would suggest for those kids as well.

Whitney>> Absolutely, but it sounds like just transparency all around.

Kati>> Yes.

Whitney>> It's a win, transparency all around.

So, I want to get to the next section that we're going to talk about, and as we're getting to the next section, I also have to say as I'm scrolling through the Facebook comments, I've got a lot of proud auntie's on here.

A lot of proud aunties.

It just, I mean, hearts... y'all are doing a great job.

They are here to support you guys, but again, a lot of people also saying, "Thank you so much for having this conversation, because this is, again, something that was not happening 10, 20, I mean, 15, you name it, even just a few years ago, these open conversations weren't happening.

So this transparency is so needed.

Now I want to talk about this.

The American Academy of Pediatrics has declared children's mental health a national emergency, but a recent report from South Carolina Department of Mental Health and Human Services found the state is struggling to meet the demand.

According to an article from WLTX, the report found that for every 1,300 students there is only one counselor.

Now, some community members have spoken out saying that they are concerned about the lack of resources available to help teens dealing with mental illness.

Take a listen.

♪ >> We don't have adequate enough counseling.

My granddaughter is 13 years old.

To see a counselor in school is fine.

That's from what, 7:30 to 3:45.

That might be once a week.

What happened to after hours on weekends?

Because once you start communication, she's 13.

So it's like a one-time thing until I go see Mrs. So-and-so next Tuesday.

I think in order to relate to someone of that age, you have to be on them.

>> In our country today, school systems are filled with bullying and negativity, and there's not enough advocacy or not enough help for these kids, and they feel like it's kind of like a disability, when in truth, it's just a normal thing.

♪ >> I know that when I was younger, I had gone through, I mean, funny, when I was in school, I had the ability to be able to go to my guidance counselors.

I said, "I need to take a minute.

"I need to go and talk to my guidance counselor.

I have something on my mind.

I really need to talk to them."

and my teacher would let me go.

It was, it was as easy as that.

It didn't have to be an issue.

It didn't have to be an appointment.

It didn't have to be anything besides, "There's something bothering me.

I need to go and talk to someone."

And nowadays, I don't see that.

>> I'm going to continue to discuss mental health, starting in my home, because it starts there with all of us, and then bringing that into my career field, being able to go and talk to you, go and talk to adults, go to churches, because that's important too.

We have to be able to break down those barriers that say, that say you can only pray about it.

You can't go and get these services.

>> You need to put it in a face, because like you just said, if adults don't recognize it, how do we expect our 13 year olds or that group to recognize it?

You know, they know they're going through a phase.

I'm a teenager because that's what I'm being told.

I'm a teenager and being a teenager means that I have those problems.

But we need more of it, not just a hit and miss thing, you know, because in between hit and miss, somebody's gonna take their life, right?

Whitney>> So, I want to toss things over to Mr. Singleton.

You are a school psychologist.

And so, you know the importance of equipping schools with mental health professionals.

So, what do you think needs to be done to improve access to these services for students?

Hunter>> I think for just increasing, like, numbers of... We can use plenty more counselors, school counselors and also the community resources, like, having counselors in the building, even with those, some of those community.

And then, like, having resources outside, too.

But the biggest thing is funding, and having that, because I know our counselors at all the schools across the country are very overwhelmed.

They have a lot of jobs, just outside of the mental health role too, like working attendance and different things.

So, just that's the biggest thing.

Whitney>> Let me ask my teens in the room: Do y'all know that, or do you think that people utilize school counselors a lot?

Like, what's the conversation around that?

Because we never had that when I was growing up.

Gabby>> No, I don't think so, because I think there's a stigma around that as well.

Whitney>> Really?

Gabby>> A lot of people might think that they might market that it's a safe space for kids, and then you might hear that the counselor might have told the parent or the counselor.

I know that's what they're supposed to do, but at the same time, a lot of people don't trust it.

So I don't feel as though people go to school counselors enough or for that reason, but they confide in most of their peers.

As he's been saying a lot, you might not hear it with adults, but you'll hear the kids talk about it with their peers.

Zenethia>> Well, I'm curious with the teens also.

If you have a friend or someone that is in crisis, or that you recognize that they're in crisis, who do you go to?

I mean, do you feel comfortable going to someone and kind of seeking help for them?

Micah>> I feel like, well, I think it is, like, I don't know if people go to the school counselor as much as they need to, but I feel like they are.

Mental health is becoming more of like a norm now.

Like, I know my school, our school personally has been sending out, you know, like, tests every month or, like, just to check up on the kids, and they utilize, the counselors are starting to utilize it more, since it's being, like, put out there more that it is okay to talk to them.

So I feel like in, like, our society or just, like, South Carolina community, I feel like it has gotten easier to go to the school counselor for help.

Zenethia>> It's wonderful to hear.

Whitney>> Absolutely.

Now, I want to be able to talk about, you know, you said that some students don't trust going to school counselors.

Let's clear the air right now, right?

Talk to 'em, Mr. Hunter.

Hunter>> Yeah, so, I mean, any trusted adult in the building, like, if you have somebody you can go to, just go to them.

Let them know.

Like, let someone know that, you know, if you're not comfortable with the counselor, then they can get that information to whoever it needs to get to.

Whitney>> Absolutely, a trusted source.

All right, Ms. Kati, I want to give you a question that we're getting off of Facebook, and we're having a lot of parents chime in on this, and a lot of the questions are really dealing with how to have the conversation with their kids.

One person, Ms. Gina said, "We know family history "and genetics plays a role in mental wellness.

How do we foster healthy conversations about this?"

I mean, we have another viewer who says, "If you believe your child suffers from mental illness, "how do you approach in a way that doesn't make that child "feel like something is wrong with them or that they're being picked on?"

So can you speak to the parents who are listening about this?

Kati>> So, I am a parent.

Can you hear me now?

I am a parent, and so, I can tell you I have had this conversation just like the other parents in the room, and it is difficult to have the conversation as a conversation.

And so as our teens get older, it's easier to have that mature conversation, but when they're younger, you need to start the conversation with labeling their feelings and allowing them to have their feelings.

So, it's okay to be angry, it's okay to be frustrated, it's okay to be sad.

It's okay to be happy.

All those things, we need to help them recognize those feelings.

And so, if we have done that and allowed them to have feelings, so when they are frustrated or upset, they can come and say I'm frustrated and upset.

And really, it's just a, in my house, it's just a normal conversation.

So, I'm struggling to even kind of quantify it because, you know, if my kids have had a bad day, or if they're having a tough time, they're going to tell me, and I try not to judge, and I try to, you know, think about it from their perspective.

I try and put myself in their shoes and think, okay, well many, many years ago, when I was 16 and 17, you know, how did my peers interact with me?

How did I feel about this?

And I try really hard to not judge, and I try also hard to not jump in with advice and they will tell me, "Just listen, just please, listen," and they don't necessarily want me to solve it.

They want me to just listen to them, and I do know there is a point where I worry a little bit more about things going on, and then I will have a deeper conversation with them, but I think non-judgmental and just trying to put yourself in their shoes before jumping in with solutions and jumping in with diagnoses and jumping in with those kind of things.

I think it's important to let them have the conversation, and again, much easier when they're older, because they can explain a lot better then.

Whitney>> Absolutely.

That's good advice there.

Zenethia>> Also, I think about what you were saying earlier.

It's also, I think, important to share if you are living with a mental health condition.

My kids have known from the earliest age that I have anxiety, and that I have to do certain things to cope, you know, whenever I feel anxious, or whenever I'm having a panic attack, and so like you were saying.

It's not necessarily something that's stigmatized in my family or in my household, because we have conversations about it, and my youngest was able to come to me and say, "I kind of feel the same way you do.

"I don't know what's wrong.

Do you know... What do you think I should do?"

And knowing him, knowing that he was not alone, and that he was also experiencing what I've been experiencing my whole life kind of helped us keep the conversation going and open that discussion.

Whitney>> Absolutely.

Kati>> I live with extreme ADHD as many people know who know me, and so I can be very chaotic and very...

I can have a lot of projects going at a time, and so my kids know at this point, that when they really want me to listen to them, when they really have something important to say, they will tell me, "Mom, I just need you to focus," and so, I know then that it's an important time to stop and have a conversation.

So, yeah.

Whitney>> Thank you for sharing, and before we transition to the next topic, I want to ask Tom this.

So, we've got all the teens here.

I want to hear from you.

Tell me what would make you feel comfortable to have a conversation with your parents about mental health.

Tom>> Just to tell them, like, straightforward, and that's really all.

Whitney>> Absolutely.

See?

So simple.

We over complicate it, right?

Just straight forward, to the point.

All right, so we want to transition now to funding in the state for mental health services.

This has been a topic that I have covered a lot recently, so we've learned South Carolina's only suicide crisis call center is struggling to handle the number of calls.

As many of you know, the 988 hotline launched in July.

But y'all get this, according to the Department of Mental Health, calls increased over 100% in the week after the new hot line was launched, so we did an interview, News-19, with a representative from Mental Health America of Greenville yesterday, and she said straight out, they need more funding to keep the center active.

So, I want to send my next question to Jennifer with the State Department of Mental Health.

Let's talk about funding, like, what are we seeing?

What needs to happen?

Can you speak on that a little bit for us?

Jennifer>> Well, to the point for mental health services, in general, 988 counselors, we do need more funding, and funding in different ways, certainly funding for the operations that we already have right now, but also being more creative with...

I'm hoping all these kids here after listening to them, join the mental health field as counselors.

But being able to have a service corps for mental health professionals that allows us to help pay for college if they're willing to go into the mental health field, because honestly, we do need funding, but we also need bodies.

We don't have enough mental health professionals to meet the need anywhere in our country, including South Carolina.

So while we are grateful for funding that's coming down from the federal level for mental health, for 988, and certainly our general assembly that allocated the one time 1.3 million to start a second call center so that we can answer 100% of South Carolina's calls, chats, and texts here.

More is needed, and sustainable funding is needed, and so, this is going to take each one of us using our voices, no matter how old you are, to say this matters to me.

How are you working to help support mental health in our state?

Whitney>> And I love that you said that.

Give us specifics on what can we do.

Is that making phone calls?

Is it writing letters?

What can we do?

Jennifer>> Yeah, one of the easiest things you can do is go to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website and click on "Be an advocate."

They are phenomenal in teaching you how to be a great advocate.

So, when something comes up, for example, I got an email yesterday saying, "Hey, let us help you reach out to your legislators on 988 funding," and so, I was able to click on something, and it told me who my legislator was, and I can do that at any age and become an advocate and use my voice.

Make that phone call.

Ask to go meet with your legislator.

Say, "This is what I'm hearing.

This is what I'm seeing," because our faces matter.

When they see you and hear your voices, that means more than the numbers.

The data is important absolutely, because it helps us tell the story, but the story really needs the voice.

It can't be a number on a page.

And so, you know, sometimes we feel like, well, would my voice really be heard?

I promise you it will, because when the general assembly allocated that funding this year, it was because of the advocates that stepped forward to say why it mattered.

So, show up and talk about it.

Whitney>> I love that.

Let me ask my teens in the room: So what resources do y'all know about?

Like, did you know about the 988 number?

I know you know about school counselors, but what resources do y'all talk about amongst yourselves?

Gabby>> Yeah, I mean, we have, our school ID's have the suicide number.

Whitney>> Big, big thumbs up, because that just happened this year, right?

Jennifer>> It was passed last year, and it went into effect July 1st of this year.

It was only the second piece of legislation South Carolina has ever passed specifically addressing suicide prevention.

And it was because, and I'm going to tell you, that's what I'm saying about your voices, because we had kids who testified at the hearings and said why it mattered.

So, yes, that was a big deal and that was because you guys showed up.

Gabby>> Yeah, so, that's one thing.

I mean, obviously apps like Stop It or something that's really important in our district.

It's like a reporting app where you can report any bullying or anything like that.

So, I think obviously school counselors but also those digital applications are something that's really important too, especially in the technology and social media age.

Whitney>> Well, aren't y'all ever nervous about using those resources, or do you feel like they're at your disposal?

Is there a hesitancy to use them at all?

Riley>> At first it was.

Whitney>> Why?

Because, again, like, I don't want to say it's weird, but it's, like, that's just how it feels, like, it's weird.

Like, nobody wants to say, "Oh, I need to download this, because I need help, or I have to do this, because I need..." Like, nobody wants to do that.

So it's just, like, it's weird.

It's weird at first, but then I feel like once you push yourself, and you actually do it, it'll help a lot.

Whitney>> So, if somebody is listening, and they're like, "I don't know about this."

What encouragement would you give them to say do it?

Riley>> Just do it.

Just do it.

Please just do it.

Talk to your parents.

I'm not going to say, like, I'm not going to force you to go talk to your counselors, but your counselors care.

They do.

They want to hear what you have to say.

I talk to admin and secretary at my school, because it's just like, they listen to me.

I feel like I can talk to them, and what I say to them is completely confidential, so it's like, I just feel comfortable talking to them.

And then again, my parents, I might not want to hear what they have to say, but at the end of the day, it's what I needed to hear, so it just always helps a lot.

Whitney>> So, before we wrap up, I just want to open up the floor to anybody who has any final thoughts about mental health, about mental health resources, about what parents need to know, other teens need to know.

Just anybody want to jump in on that?

Riley>> I will say something for the parents.

Whitney>> Yes.

Riley>> Parents, your kids might act annoyed with you, or they might act like they don't care, or when you give them a hug they might not want it, or when you kiss them on the cheek, they want it.

Trust me.

They want it.

I act so disgusted when mom hugs me or she kisses me on the cheek, like eww, why are you doing that?

I'm in high school, like, don't do that.

But literally, it makes my day.

For her to call me, and she ends the call with "I love you," that literally means so much, because it shows that she cares.

So it's like, parents, tell your kids you love them.

Parents, hug your kids.

Parents, kiss them on the cheek, kiss on both cheeks and the nose, because I promise you, it'll mean a lot.

Whitney>> The cheek and the nose, double whammy.

That is so good.

I just want to thank everybody again so much for having this conversation.

I know that we're hearing more about mental health on a national level.

We're hearing more about it in schools and in homes, but we want to continue to have this conversation, because there are still so many stereotypes surrounding it.

And it's moments like this, that change the game.

It's moments like this, where we're transparent, that could potentially save a life, and so please know that y'all being here has been tremendous, incredible, and I really do hope that somebody was able to walk away feeling a little bit more freedom to ask for help and to provide help.

So again, thank you guys so much for getting on TV and having a tough conversation, but doing it with so much grace and so much understanding.

And so, we want to thank you all again for joining this conversation.

It's so important.

We want to thank you for watching and thank you for listening, and to everybody who joined in on Facebook, all the proud aunties and the mamas, thank you for joining us, and from all of us here at SCETV Safe Space, I'm Whitney Sullivan.

Good night, and remember, there is never any shame in getting help.

♪